Be My Distraction

this week

2009-03-11T18:27:00.000-07:00

this week ive mostly been spontaniously getting up and with my friend making plans so vague its unnbelievable and yet still pulling off the best nights ive had in a long time. its been a great shift from my normal organised self cos my mates laid back enough for the both of us soo it takes a load of pressure off for some reason im no sure i can explain properly.

in the last few days ive been in st.andrews, dundee, glasgow and edinburgh for nights out. granted, some of that was just using my bus pass for a sleep to stay warm cos we were tired and bored, but thats besides the point.

anyways, heres to a more laid back tomorrow!!

London Baby!

2009-02-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

Excuse the rather obvious title but it had to be done.

With little to do over the next while and my sister running late on her pregnancy and my parents coming back in a day or 2 im doing the grown up/awesome little brother/cool uncle Dave thing and getting and overnight coach to london for just over a week in a day or so. ill be there to look after my neice while my sister zooms off to hospital with my bro in law then to just help about the house whilse she settles back in.... like a nanny that doesnt get paid. i know, i know. it sounds too good to be true.

But it'll be fun, cos ill get to see my neice, ny sis and bro in law and the new baby. The downside is that ive gotta come back to look after the pets. AGAIN.

the reason i moved out was to stop this and here i am right now with the dog at my feet and when i come back ive got to have them again for another few days. Its my last time tho, and only cos its my mums birhday i can be bothered doin it again.

woah... ive went into 'emo blog' mode. i think its living in such a big house alone i rekon.

im gonna make a burger.... yes, its 4am almost. but im hungry. and it'll go well with smallville.

Inderview de la Suzi

2009-02-05T14:57:00.000-08:00

Here's my answers to questions Suzi gave me, and just so you know Suzi - Damn good questions, Ive really had to think about the answers!

Q1. for as long as Ive known you, you’ve wanted to work with children. what drives you to do that?

Simple. Its easy, fun and I think I'm good at it. Ive always felt that working with people was easy or if not easy it would be a learning experience that became rewarding and id get the rewarding experience out of it.

I really like working with different age groups and different groups in general because you either get a group of great kids or kids you have to work with to finish a project or help them develop. Ive done everything from jigsaws and building sandcastles to helping design and watch youths act out a play of what 'being a young person means to them'.

Long and short, I like being able to have fun and a laugh and since that ties in with helping people - all the better :)

Q2. for some unknown reason, you’re on death row. what would your final meal be?

Spaghetti bolognaise, no doubt. Its by far my favourite meal. It'd have enough spaghetti with plenty of mince and a nice bolognaise sauce with sweet red peppers chopped up in it topped off with melted mozzarella and maybe a pinch of salt.

Q3. you’ve got a year free and a budget of £3,000. what do you do with it?

Id divide the money up into a certain amount for the month each (£250) and buy myself something that i could use but also be left behind for someone - like games, maybe a cool suit, some films; that kind of thing. id use the excess to enjoy spending the time with friends and family - making more of an opportunity than i am just now to see people and hang out lot more and spend some money buying rounds or paying for foodstuffs cos id be able to afford it.

Any excess money from that month I'd either carry over or put into a bank account to be passed down to my nieces (and possibly nephews) - probably the bank account thing though.

Q4. which piece of art (visual, prose, poetry, music, film) resonates the most with you, and why?

I guess the book come film 'The Rules of Attraction' originally written by Bret Easton Ellis in 1987 and the movie was directed by Roger Avery in 2002. Its great as in both it portrays a story told from 3 different points of view, a gay guy, a drug dealer and a girl whos settling rather than waiting on her 'true love'. I guess it resonates with me as it is blunt. Its real, and it tells you how life is and how it will be.... with a bit of an exaduration to make it readable/watchable sure but the characters are awesome, some more appelable than others but they all remind you of someone you know at least in a small way and the book leaves you with some questions answered and more questions to ask yourself.

Why wasnt uni like that for me? Are people really that blunt?, How do I make myself more like that person/these people? How do i bring a bit of that into my life? wtf did that say in french?? It ended how now?

Amongst others. The book is based in the 80's when it was written and the movie is done with a modern twist but in no way lacks to the book. (for those of you who didnt notice itrs written byu the guy who wrote "American Psycho" and one of the characters in this, Sean - is Patricks Batemans brother).

The books great, the movie is awesome and they really make you think.... and about yourself and your situation, how everything and every decision has a consequence.

I Hope I Answered That Question Right....

Q5. if you had to do something today which scared you, what would you do. (and i mean scared, like out-of-your-comfort-zone scary. not necessarily adrenaline-high scary)

I guess it would be something Ive always wanted to do but never managed to or got around to yet,but to keep in line with your question, it wouldn't be something like bungee jumping or sky diving which i know would scare me but would still love to do. It would more be like something I'd never done but i knew had a lot of risks attached to it. Something with a thrill factor but maybe could get me in trouble or could pay off if i got away with it. (I hope this is making sense so far).

Well, now that Ive described the kind of thing id do, the reason id do it, maybe needing more of a risk factor/adrenaline involved i cant actually think of an answer of somthing id want to do that i havent done that fits into this category ....... Maybe I'd wait for someone to dare me to do someone to dare me to do someone i liked the sund of but didnt thikn i was confident enough to do. Then i'd realise that that was the exact thing i should go do.

Starter For 10

2009-02-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

Very Well CL,

I ask you the following 5 questions:

1. If you had to choose one thing, person, or moment inspired you to chose the university couse that you are on now - what would it be?

2. Do you have a plan for after university, i.e. further education? work experience? a job? marry a rich man and just live off his money?

3. Based on your last answer where will you be and what will you be doing in the next 5-10 years? who will you be and who will you still know that you know now?

4. Is there anyone you look up to? be they a real person, a character from a book or someone from tv. it doesnt have to be the whole person, just aspects of them that you admire.

5. What is your quote or are your quotes to life, and why?

Suzi, the following 5 questions are for yourself;

1. Do you have any regrets in your life up to where you are right now? what are they?

2. Is there something that you are really looking forward to at the moment? Maybe not something thats set in stone but an idea in your head that you plan to follow through with your excited about?

3. We've been friends now for about 5 years maybe, and we've kept in touch for a lot of this time. Do you think we will keep this friendship going for a long time in the future, even if we end up in different places?

4. whens the last time you done something you would normally never do and what was it? - was it a good or a bad thing?

5. What item, or persons do you treasure the most in the world? is here anything you would give them up for?

The Rules

2009-01-29T14:54:00.000-08:00

I saw this on ''Down To One's'' blog and he'd linked ''A Laugh Can Say A Thousand Words''.

Sounds Fun, So Here's The Rules:

•Leave me a comment requesting an interview.

•I will e-mail you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

•You then answer the questions on your blog.

•You should also post these rules along with an offer to interview anyone else who e-mails you wanting to be interviewed.

•Anyone who asks to be interviewed should be sent 5 questions to answer on their blog.

•It would be nice if the questions were individualized for each blogger.

2009 update

2009-01-28T15:40:00.000-08:00

Ive started writing a bit again, well continuing more to the point. busses seem to be the perfect environment for me for some reason, they give me about 2 hours at times of time to just write. Ive got most of the story sorted now too which is cool, I'm just a bit stuck on how to expand the middle, although i guess ill figure that out as i go - its whats been happening so far. i reckon ill start typing it up soon too so i can get a better grasp of the length and grammar.

Ive also been given a number t call about getting volunteer work in a local community education centre which ill do tomorrow so hopefully ill sort that and have something to do to keep me occupied whilst looking for work... damn lack of work!

anyways, there's your update as it stands

''we know why you rubberneck''

Compare The Meerkat!

2009-01-07T08:15:00.000-08:00

Seriously, you can do it!

theres this advert on tv just now about a meerkat saying how he compares meerkats and how people trying to 'compare the market' keep stumbling accross his websit, he then continues to tell you to compare the market go to www.comparethemarket.com or www.comparethemeerkat.com for comparing meerkats ... thinking it would be a false website, but also wondering if they could advertise a webdite without owning it i decided to go onto it..... and lo and behold,

there is a compare the meerkat website where you can compare meerkats of different sizies, types, from locations.... hell - its pointless. but its amazing the effort tey've gone thru for teh sake of an advert and to amuse simple folks like me :D

Dear Christmas Sales

2008-12-24T10:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Christmas Sales,

Money Pending, For Moving Into My Own Place This Year I'd Like To Buy Myself A Flat Screen TV. Just To Make Myself Enjoy TV That Bit More. (OK, im gonna stop writing every word with a capital letter now, i started it by accident and thought i could keep it going but its really annoying me).

So yeah, i have noooooooo idea how much one costs BUT ive not really asked for anything this year cos im at an age where christmas isnt such a big deal so i figure as long as everyone likes what ive got them then thats cool and then i can buy myself a treat. It can be like my housewarming present to myself. See i wanted to get guitar hero, well rock band probably - but that means buying a playstation 3 and id never play it otehr than that game and maybe one or 2 more. and thats a shit load of money alone. Baby steps.

First things first, check your bank account......... and mention it to your rents or someone with a car so they can help you drive it to your new place!

New Years Deception

2008-12-21T03:54:00.000-08:00

He sat around the living room with his partner and friends, not to mention about 6 people he didn't know particularly well. It was large in size and better decorated than any student flat he'd ever seen in his life. He held his partners hand and tried not to look his old flame directly in the eye.

Yes, his girlfriend knew they used to date, and it was in the past but neither of them had expected to see the girl from his past on New Years Eve of all times. He knew his girlfriend would get jealous as they used to date for so long and they had so much history and that the new relationship was still new but that made it no less valid - this had been explained to her already, he had confirmed this to her. The girls on the other side of the room was his past, the girl next to him was his present.

The unfortunate part was that so many people he was friends with him and the girl he separated from all those months ago. it looks like he'd end up talking to her at some point tonight. If only to make sure the the party went as smoothly as possible. Someone always cried at a house party, and he wasn't going to be the reason that someone cried at this one.

Most people knew his girlfriend Beth already so once she was comfortable with the idea and at the party and it was obvious that they were indeed a couple he chose his time to go over and speak to the ex. A hard conversation to approach he knew but he waited for the right time, when there was only one or two other people talking to her at the time and as he started talking to the group it meant he could talk to her to to clear the air.

'So.. how's everyone's New Year's Eve?' he asked
He got some acknowledgements, cheers' and high fives from the small group. The ex however, ignored him. 'How about you Michelle?'
'It's OK, I guess'
'How have you been?' he not so much inquired out of wanting to know but out of duty so people can witness he tried
'Not bad' she answered. Everyone sitting around looked awkward for both boy and girl and just started talking amongst themselves, blatantly still listening however in case they needed to intervene at any point.
'Have a good Christmas?'
'Yeah'
'Right, I'm gonna go for a bit. I'll maybe come back later and see if you fancy catching u with more than one word at a time. Good to see ya.' He said standing up and leaving.

If nothing else he was missing his girlfriend. That's why he knew that the new relationship was going to be different. He never felt this with Michelle, he couldn't even get a conversation out of her now, all these months later. He never missed her after days and he missed Beth after minutes, this wasn't the 'honeymoon period' either - this was different. This was love.

He stopped on the way to talk to some friends before making a trip to the bathroom, where he saw Beth, crying. He took her outside and asked what was wrong, he consoled her, he hugged her, she wouldn't let him kiss her though.

'Whats wrong?' he asked ' You can tell me anything, I love you'
'Why did you have to say that' she shouted
'Shouldn't I have?' he retorted, shocked.
'I cheated on you' she said through streams of tears
'When?' he said calmly, with eyes as cold as stone
'With my ex, on Christmas eve' she said again through more tears.

He called her a taxi and waited with her until it came, he couldn't look at her, couldn't say another word. He gave the driver thirty pounds and the address to get her home safe.
He turned to Beth 'I'll see you around, but I don't want to. We're over, lose my number, don't call me, don't expect anything.' He opened the door and let her get in, she was still crying, harder than ever now he guessed. 'Happy New Year Beth' he said, before closing the door and tapping the roof of the taxi.

6 Things

2008-12-17T12:21:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Jemima but not having enough people t tag back now since i changed my background and lost everyone from my blogroll ill simply list 6 things that make me happy. They may not be in order, they may not be the top 6 but they will be 6 thing nonetheless. Enjoy..

1. A day out with my mates; be it hangin' out, cinema, the zoo, a pub, club or a house party!

2. Finding a new TV show I like and watching like a series of it over the space of a few days

3. Anything batman related

4. A cold glass of Irn Bru

5. New Zealand, my holiday there and the hope to go back

6. Making an everyday thing an adventure

[INSERT PICTURE OF AN ADVENTURE HERE]

Honey, Im Ho-ome!

2008-12-17T10:23:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

Long time no ... write? At least in the blog anyways. I've been in New Zealand for two months though which could explain my absence and am now making a half assed attempt at doing some real writing. Real writing? I hear you ask, well this means its in a journal and I've wrote a few short chapters, the grammar is terrible and its got a lot of editing to go through but its a start.

Yeah, i guess a lot of people probably do what I'm attempting to do but then i figure, why cant i do it too? So here i am, back. I just need you all to send me your links again as I've updated my background (which i didn't know was possible) and only managed to find about 2 of my previous links which is a bit pants!

Hopefully ill keep this going.

So for now I shall bid you all adue

Dave; Forward Planner

2008-11-02T16:21:00.000-08:00

Steve asked me yesterday "if you could run one business for yourself what would it be?". I had no idea which is the answer he expected apparently but i thought about it and i realised something like ive done before, running an after school care/summer scheme for kids. i loved that! i kinda have an idea of a job if i could get the money/location! its vague/probably never gonna happen but how cool would it be to have my own business!!

and right now im doing counselling via texting and im helping a lot of people and im really enjoying it, i want to take a counselling course now to put it into better action or get a job where they'll put me thru it cos i know i wanna do community based stuff but i really like this... it feels really good.... im really glad i came here, i might have some ideas for when i come back to the UK... lets hope it sticks!

also, i have an idea for more ACTUAL writing, shame my grammar sucks huh?!?

update

2008-11-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hey all, remember moi? well Ive done no writing since i got here which is a bit poor to be honest so I'm gonna just summarise whats been happening to keep you all up to date:

work wise; sorted out some stuff with epilepsy New Zealand to start up a youth project which ill continue to monitor from Scotland and I'm working for Youthline doing a mix of odd jobs, hands on youth work and some helpline stuff.

Fun wise; been making myself get used to the taste of beer cos cider is rare and expensive. had a couple of good nights out and seen a lot of cool sights, also got a camper van booked now to go from Christchurch back up this way as of the 14th. been to a rave even and bought myself flight of the Concords for the equivalent of about £8... exchange rate is pretty good over here btw...

kiwi people are generally really cool too which is a bonus but alas i do have to pay for the busses :(

i shall hopefully start to update more frequently soon.

Dave

More About New Zealand Later

2008-10-13T02:30:00.000-07:00

For now....... You know that 'gap year' thing on bebo?? they send 6 people around the world, they do stuff, they blog, they take pictures, they video blog, they do cool things we wish we could do.....

i entered a competition to win a 3 day, 2 night trip on a boat race, all expenses paid (bar booze wouldnt ya know it) with one of the guys in aukland and i bloody won!! i go on the 24th for the weekend and i guess ill be uploadin stuff onto the gap year page etc!

so check out the gapyear page/the link to aukland thru that, its gettin upated tmrw with me as the winner.....

from the guy who had no holiday to the one who wins on when hes out here....

bloody right!!

:D

generic blog #104

2008-10-03T14:20:00.000-07:00

it cant get any better than this..... ive been in my primark pj shorts and a tshirt all day, watchin mostly paramount comedy. im almost finished packing and now im having a southpark-athon with a glass of milk and mars planets......

life is good

He WAS 'Some Guy'..

2008-10-02T16:44:00.000-07:00

''Green and me, we look so swank in our tuxedos, wearing black and white bow ties, with fake carnations glued to our lapels. We have 'Just Married' written down both sides of the car with tubes and tubes of white toothpaste. Those Oreo cookies. twisted in half and stuck on. We have cowbells and tin cans roped to the rear bumper - a clear violation of the I-SEE-U Noise Limitations, but even Daytimers will cut slack for young marrieds.
Cowbells bouncing and white streamers flying from our antennae, we pull up to the curb, and some guy's standing there with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Tina Something throws her bridesmaid's bouquet in his face, saying, 'Hey, dude.' She yells 'Catch!' The girls silk flowers hit him in the face but he catches them. He's quick. He's a quick guy, and we're short one lookout. How weird is that?
I yell, 'You!' To the guy, I say, 'You got gas money?'
It just so happens that guy is Rant Casey.''

extract from 'Rant' by Chuck Palahniuk,
(chapter 16, page 122)

Just Choke

2008-10-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

If you are an avid reader and havent read it yet quickly read Choke by Chuck Palahnuik....

Its amazing... the reason i suggest the reading soon is the release date for the movie based on the book sems to be October 31st. If however you doubt you'll read it for any reason but are now thinking to yourself 'Hey, Dave - can yu send me a link to so i can see what the movie looks like and read a synopsis about it?' then you are in luck my friend

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3404202265/

It looks pretty true to the book and i cant wait to ...... download it in New Zealand as the release date is probably later over there.

enjoy :)

one bag, 2 bag, 3 bags full..

2008-09-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

sometimes i find i pack too much for a night, sometimes i pack really light for 2 weeks. im going for 2 months now and im finding clothes and shoes as i tidy up that i forgot existed. seriosusly, how many shoes, jackets, jeans, hoodies, long sleeved tshirts, pjs, boxers, socks...... well you get the idea.... how many of each of them do i take for 2 months?

then theres the fact im taking a helluva lot of medicine in 2 bags to be safe, then all my chargers, my laptop, external hard drive.... jesus. ive never found packing so hard or stressful and ive not actually started yet.

if anyone can actually offer sensible ideas her im willing to listen cos im a bit stuck.

i am planning ahead this time though unlike on most bus journeys of late, ive got my pads of paper so i can write stories, doodle and write mindless thoughts.... a bit like this one. so at least ill keep myself occupied for the most part i hope.

well, i guess i better sleep.... more mindless new zealand thoughts tmrw no doubt

on one hand its funny..

2008-09-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

.. one the other i could get arrested....

If I get bored on one of my planes to New Zealand should i randomly shout some reference to the film 'snakes on a plane' - clearly one of samual l jackson's greatest acting roles.

it could be something like 'holy crap, theres snakes on this plane!!', i could turn to the person next to me and say 'you know that film snakes on a plane? imagine if that happened here!!' or i could just stand up when everyones sleeping and shout 'am i the only one who's fed up of these motherf*****g snakes on this motherf*****g plane?!?'

comments? further ideas?

6 days

2008-09-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

start a checklist, make a checklist, finish tidying and organising my room, fill in documents, buy a new camera, pack my bag (once ive decided what im taking - what much of what kind of thing), pack a hand luggage bag. for the love of god pack more than enough medicine and separate it between both your bags Dave, Get the Nintendo Ds sorted with good games.

stop procrastinating...................................

prepare for the long haul on flights. dont get lost!!!

love new zealand.

You Know.... From The Fresh Prince?

2008-09-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

So there I was at this party. I basically knew...... no-one. Thus, i talked to everyone... why not? I'd already been caught out tryin to steal a chair for a bet and failed at remembering names when i'd promised i would (made considerably worse when they remembered me).

It was around this time I met a guy called Nana (spelling unsure) he shook my hand in a more than needed to be shook-kinda way, so of course i upped things slightly.

'Nana, was it?' i enquired, partly out of curiosity, partly because my grandmother gets called the same name

'Yeah man' he replied

'Lets do the best handshake ever' i said enthusiastically. he looked at me to continue so i did.

'So you remember the Fresh Prince?' I asked. he just looked at me blankly

'The Fresh Prince of Bel Air?' another blank look 'You know.... with Will Smith?'

He finally clicked and remembered.... or at least pretended to to get the ball rolling so i taught him the following:

In the early season the two characters always greeted each other with their signature handshake (swinging mid-five, point-back/snap with both characters saying "Pssh!"): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DJ_Jazzy_Jeff

to which i celebrated, passing on the coolest handshake ever.

The next day however i was a bit shocked. i was told i was asking black people if they knew Will Smith.... now I'm known to be a bit, well drunk when im drunk but thats too far for even me.... then it all came back to me. the conversation about me trying to make Nana (who happened to be black) if he remembered the fresh prince STARRING will smith was interpreted by people listening in as me being a drunken idiot!

note to self for future: teach the will smith and jazzy jeff handshake with caution, its powers are great but they may come with dire consequences!!

Dreaming

2008-09-25T12:53:00.000-07:00

In an email dated 21 Feb 2007:

Hey Man, did u know you featured in one of the many fucked up dreams of Dave last night? really? it wasnt too big of a role... more of an appearance... i wont go into too much detail cos it would make you say things like 'yo man, that shit is fucked up' or 'noooooooooooo' or even 'truuuuuuu dat'. who knows what else but the point it, it was messed up. for some reason i was strapped for cash and was working in a place where people got to beat the shit outta you ... even shoot you.. and if they took a body part... or at least piece of flesh away, they payed extra, thus you got extra pay. and for some reason i was working there with the guy from whos the star in that show about firemen on sky one.

anyways, you were crashing at my spare apartment at victoria halls in glasgow (which doesnt exist) the whole time while i had my first client... shy as they were they continued to beat me up for some form of cheap thrill or whatever and leave with a bit of my torn body flesh in some sort of ritualistic 'i just had my first beating up experience and i liked it' sort of way. but my boss was no where to be found.
meanwhile, fireman dick head gets the crap kicked outta him but gets totally paid by some fat chick cos she saw the whole thing and shes like assistant manager. i tell her im due my 8 quid...(thats right 8 quid?!?!) but she refuses to give it to me cos she didnt see it. i realises im only due £7.70 or £7.80 but am tryin to con her (ive lost part of my body and im conning HER outta 20p...wheres the logic? anyways so eventually i find my boss... he gives me a t-shirt and a tenner and without saying any words we take this as a tip and a dont come back which im happy with as i realise the job wasnt for me.

so im driving home from wherever the heck i was to see you at my spare flat (lets just remind you this doesnt exist) and you phone only for me to suddenly realise im driving without a licence.... and im driving without using the pedals.... in the passenger seat... and i cant see over the wheel.... tis a bit crazy... no? so i pull over and suddenly i AM behind the wheel and toria's in the passenger seat and some guy from Domino's cant find his address and is tryin to con us into buyin his order so it doesnt get taken outta his cheque. im kinda hungry but say no on the grounds that theres no veg and toria cant eat it but she feels guilty. eventually she guesses the address after we've eaten half the food, tells him where to go and we drive off.

so i arrive at halls... alone again but thinking nothing of it and wonder where to park but i get to you and see you packing and ask whats up. you tell me glasgow isnt big enough to hold you, that you need to keep moving. i thought you were gonna hang around a bit, that we'd get to catch up and im disappointed so i ask why you cant stay and you keep packing and babbling all this shit about how this isnt the place for you, it never was even tho you thot it might be, it wasnt right and you had to keep moving till you found the right place. your original intention was to stay a year but now you had to go...

....CUE DAVES ALARM

ok, so i said i wasnt gonna go into detail but i had time. and now that ive typed it ive realised how fucked up it actually was. especially the first bit where i seemed like a hooker for the mentally disturbed who just wanted to hurt people!!

dude, ive had some messed up and confused dreams before but this about tops it. the strange thing is that i can link a lot of it to things that have happened recently so there is logic in there somewhere... maybe....

oh well, better go... fire alarm is going off and you prob think im meeeeeeeeeeeeental by now.

maybe you can send a similar email to make me feel more sane (doubtful but maybe)

Dave

A reply on the 25th Feb 2007:

tryin to con us into buyin his order so it doesnt get taken outta his cheque. im kinda hungry but say no on the grounds that theres no veg and toria cant eat it but she feels guilty.

hahahahaha, i love it.
dude that is an intensly detailed dream. calm down on the acid.

Chasing Scars

2008-09-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

'Whats That?' she asked, playing with the band on his wrist
Just something I used to believe in and never stopped wearing he says. its always there. its like a scar now other than the fact it changes place slightly. He takes a swig of his beer and looks back into her eyes waiting for a response.

'I have a few scars she says' and points to her hand 'this ones from from when my cat scratched me'
'I hope you're starting small' the man says back. the girl laughs and challenges him to show a scar.

Without so much as a second thought the man lifts his t-shirt slightly and says 'appendix removal'
The girl gasps but quickly sits up. 'OK, I think I can match that she replies'.
The man urns around on the bed to see whether he should be amused, amazed or disappointed with what he's about to see. She lifts her jeans to the knee to show a scar that's healed well but of a decent length, 'can you guess?' she asks the person she only met that night but is already showing her old battle woulds to.
'Broken leg?' the young man guesses 'it had to be pinned together, that was about 2, maybe 3 years ago?'
The girl looks at him in awe, jaw literally dropped. 'how did you know that?' she asks
He pulls up his jeans leg on the opposite side and smiles 'Same story, 5 years ago'

'Here's an embarrassing one' he shoots back at her 'Stag night last year i fell over drunk' he lifts his hair to show scar across his hairline, about 2cm long, hidden unless you were told about it, but obvious now it was pointed out. ' It was stupid' he says '..but one hell of a weekend' and laughs at the memory.

'You want embarrassing?' an eyebrow is raised and a drink of beer is taken as she says this, she doesn't even wait for a response before she starts to show her next scar. She swivels towards him closely and lifts her foot onto his knee. on the base is a scar about 2 and a half cm. 'This was a night when i lost a shoe on a night out, i figured id be fine walking home with one shoe. I'd walked home carrying my shoes before so didn't really see an issue but this night i happened to walk over a broken bottle shard. I ended up drunk, in A and E and with stitches after a 3 hour wait.'

She looked over at her new acquaintance and noticed he was stroking the scar before asking what he was doing. Then he kissed her. 'It took you that long?' she asked and smiled a smile only girls could give.

Apparently Its Happening Around Me

2008-09-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine asked when everyone became so grown up all of a sudden. I chose this moment to refer her back to myself. A 22 year old graduate who still hasnt managed to get the job he wants and so instead is scooting off to New Zealand for 2 months to have a laugh with some friends and generally enjoy myself.... grown up.... not yet.

oh, i should be. yes, i should be. but somehow there have been things in my path delaying me from it. even when i do get a job i doubt ill really grow up full time. i wanna do youth work, its the perfect job for me when i finally get accepted somewhere, you get paid to help people sure, but you also get paid to have fun.

i know someone now whose younger than me and is teaching physics in a high school in england...... you think with people my age and younger all finding what they need to get into the big bad world i could do...... apparently i still feel the need to live out my student years though.
one day ill get a job, and it'll be ago, high paying one, with little responsibility where all i gotta do is play with toys.... like in that film BIG..... that'd be soooooooooooo cool!!

ill be going now

The Fat Lady Changed Career

2008-09-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

today i made backup plans in case my friend had to come back to the UK leaving me abroad with a big change of plans. luckily my friend was more than accommodating and offered me a meet at the airport and a place to stay for as long as i needed it. job done.

12 hour later. Steve gets a job. Steve doesnt need to leave. things return to the original plan. i have the best of both worlds i guess. things are good between him and Alex's flatmates so we can all hang out and things will be hunky dory and he will be making money to keep himself afloat now whilst i get to spend time with my 2 friends and still do the travelling thing with Steve.

hell, who knows. we might all end up sharing a flat together. who knows??

life returns to normal. at least for now i can rest.....

Zzzzzzzz

Dream of Californication

2008-09-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

and it comes from watching too much tv. when i get into a show i like, i REALLY get into it, i can watch a series in a day. i can talk to someone about it for hours and there are things about a certain character or traits amongst different characters that i wish i had.

Take my latest favourite tv show 'Calafornication'. Mulder has taken a break from the x files to become a failing writer with a daughter and a failed relationship but still a pretty great life. he does what he wants, when he wants. and thinks about the consequences later - if at all.

i started laughing almost immediately and found myself thinking that bar the separated relationship, i liked the 'can do' attitude and the fact that he had a solid group of friends, he did say what he thought and he did do exactly what he felt.... and it worked out for him. i thought to myself 'this guy is pretty cool'.

so is life really like this or in tv land to they show us what we want to see? what we want to believe we could be and what we want to see in ourselves and what i have obviously wanted to see in myself. i mean, i think i saw some traits of myself in this character to a VERY small limit. someone recently told me that they respected that i could say what i thought without worrying about it.... i wasnt sure if that was a compliment or not to be honest but i chose t think of it as one and im not saying i want to be the next copycat of a tv star, but it does open a persons eyes to what they cant see. what might be out there in the big bad world. good and bad.

its not just this show, tv does it to a much greater, or lesser extent - depending on how you look at it when you slip more into fantasy shows with new age technology with flying cars, gadgets that make you forget time but the lowly sheriff can still save the day over the geniuses. other shows where agent jack bauer can die 23 times in a day and still save the president because thats just what jack bauer does and shows you could even wish you could juggle being bruce wayne and batman.... god knows ive had many a discussion about the caped crusader!! (is he a hero or a super hero, because hes human, nothing particular super about him unless you personally think so is there?)

each episode, each film, each book lets you slip out of reality for a set amount of time and while your there pick up a piece of each character you admire and take it away with you, let it become part of you in a way. adopt their traits even if you dont mean to and use them when you come back to reality. i dont know if ive done this before or if ive simply adopted traits off of other people which can happen a lot more naturally but i can see myself linking with characters now that i wouldnt have a few years ago. maybe ive started taking pieces of different people, maybe ive started understanding them more or maybe ive just got a broader perspective and im a lot more open minded than i used to be.

either way, ive not really changed, im just learning new things about myself. we all do it. we just dont know we do. every time you watch a show, every time you read a book, every time you tell a story. your passing on or picking up a bit of yourself or a bit of someone else.

your changing. your always changing.

It Aint Over Till The Fat Lady Sings..

2008-09-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

.....She's about to sing ladies and gentlemen, shes about to sing.

remember my trip abroad to New Zealand? the one i couldnt do alone, but with a little help from my friend i could, spent a fair bit on the flight and now im just anxiously biding my time till i go over?

now my friends maybe having to come home. the moneys getting tight and the jobs are thin apparently. i dont know what to do now. im not gonna waste the flight, ive spent loads on it, but ive gotta admit, im pretty bloody scared thinking about being there alone! yeah, ill know someone else - but the reason i was going out was to explore with my other friend. it doesnt look like thats gonna happen now. he's not been well ether and as much as i want to be i cant be angry at him.

yeah, he convinced me to go, and i wouldnt have gone if he hadnt been there, we had made all these plans and ive spent all this non returnable money but i cant hate him for not finding work in a foreign country, thats not his fault. i guess i feel let down. i definitely feel scared. i just now wonder what im going to do when im there. who will i meet, who will i talk to, will i make friends, who'll go t the pub with me? where will i get a flat?

he's gonna stay another week which i guess is a good effort. but i dunno if i feel if hes doing that that he should look harder or give up. part of me feels sorry for him part of me wants him to put every ounce of energy into staying so we can make good on our plans. i cant imagine my planned trip any other way that i had it planned and now i have to. i cant tell my parents, not until i know for sure. they'd freak. they'd panic. i ant find my way out of a cardboard box never mind find my way around a new country so hopefully my friend who lives there will be good enough to help me settle, offer me a couch and help me find a place cos i dunno if i could do it alone.

god damn it.

Status

2008-08-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

its different amongst different people and different groups. i think ive noticed this a lot more recently though.

if you meet new people you technically have a chance to start off fresh, be someone new and act like someone thats the opposite of who you were or even are to other people to meet new and different people but i dont think ive ever done this. people have even told me that they're happy that university hasn't changed me and that im still myself, or when they hang out with my friends or im with them and their friends that im never anyone but myself.saying that, and bringing me back to the point of this blog, my status with different people, and groups is completely different in different places and situations.

at home im generally kinda guy who'll chat to anyone, have a laugh and do anything for his mates. i maybe even try too hard sometimes and get on my friends nerves because of this. the last sentance might also show i have a hint of paranoia in my system. im a genuine person who says what i feel unless it will make things harder for other people i care about and as much as i try to, i do end up arguing with my family quite a lot - probably because we're alike for different reasons and i sometimes do things they dont like me doing.

i think what makes me stand out is that ill talk a lot of crap and acknowledge it. ill laugh at my own expense because sarcasm is in my nature, i cant be expected to take the mick out of other people and not have it done in return. i adopted the name 'special dave' a while back which crops up again every so often because i talk a lot of crap, but i mean well.... but i will stand up for any of my mates who dont wanna cause trouble by doing it themselves if i feel something should be said. some people like that and wish they could, other people think im interfering. and im not afraid to apologise if i realise im in the wrong. why lose a friend over something that was my fault or could be easily resolved i figure.

at uni i gave it a shot, i mean i graduated but i think i was seen as someone who could fit in anywhere. which was true but by doing so i never made any long term friends unfortunately, everyone had fallen into permanent groups by the time i had realised it had happened. it didnt stop me hanging out, but it probably did make me distance myself a bit. at classes my status, or at least portrayed and therefore maybe the status i then projected to everyone else was that of a person who was willing to learn, but probably wasnt as experienced as some other people. this however did lead to me studying for assessments much further ahead than anyone else i knew and i only had 2 resits in my life at university which was better than expected.

university life however was different for me. i met a lot of people. some single serving, some long lasting and hopefully a few will be life long. I act to them no different than i do to my friends back home. the only difference may be that when i went to Glasgow i started drinking more, and if anything, my confidence has raised. i think i have helped some new friends gain more confidence in themselves also because of this and many of these newly acquired companions have been allies in many a house party or night at the union..... or both. I have a few different affectionate nicknames now which range from 'tit' to 'legend', contradictory but compassionate all the same.... or at least i like to think so.

hopefully all the above people will be waiting for me as friends to have more parties and have more nights out (or in) when i return form my spontaneous 2 month trip which i am going on early next month, cos if they're not ill have somethin to say about it!

which brings me onto my last and final point. i am away out of Scotland for 2 months shortly. another chance within my 22 year old life to change myself, change who i am, be someone else to impress the many or the few, to suit my surroundings and fit in. instead i will be myself and stick to my guns, i might stick out (im Scottish and ill be wearing a kilt every so often, of course ill stick out) but this could be a positive or negative thing. but either way im going to have a great time. ive had one so far, why change things for the 2 months im away?

in true rob style... thought of the day: the past has already happened and the future doesnt exist yet, all we can do is deal with the present

Some Friendly Advice..

2008-08-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

The party had been going on for some time when she asked if she could have a quick word with me. Being led by a hand I followed her to a room I handnt been into as of yet to hear words that were similar to but not exactly 'Im taking a friends advice'. Then she kissed me.

I kissed her back. I was stunned I have to admit as I wasnt sure where we stood with eachother and with me making the first move last time and nothing seeming to happen this time so far I wasnt expecting anything other than a great party with some friends. After a few minutes something in my head clicked and i had to ask 'So what is the advice you're taking exactly?'.
It basically followed the lines of stop looking after everyone else and enjoy herself, and i presume this was one way of doing so. Yes, my ego inflated slightly upon hearing this. Not too much however, as i had wanted to kiss her too.

The night became a bit of a blur, the last thing i really remember doing is just chatting away with her whilst watching episodes of Angel (only the first one on each disk however as the remote was missing). We lay in a bed - that im fairly certain i did not make - kissing, holding hands and talking about nothing but i was fun as what was a party was now simply the 2 of us.

The next day some of the remains of people from the party grumbled that we would indeed again meet up before i left for my holiday as the parties we have with this particular group always have a particular entertainment factor to them and then myself and the girl went into town together before parting ways with a promise of seeing eachother again soon and keeping in touch in one form or another.

it was a good night as i went with no expectations and from what i remember I had fun and there were things to reminisce about. 3 parties with this group now and there has been 3 late nights. I have enjoyed every single one.

An Irish What......?

2008-08-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

'So...' Kells mother Mary asked me quite casually 'do you have a girl back home Dave?'

'Nah' I said in return 'we split up almost six months ago by now sure'

'Ah, don't fret, you'll maybe find a nice Irish colleen over here?'

'A nice Irish What??

'A nice Irish girl'

'But what did you say?'

' ''Colleen'' it means ''girl'' in Irish'

*cue me slapping both hands to my face before mumbline the following through my fingers*

'That was her bloody name!'

- Needless to say Kell's mum loved repeating this story infront of the whole family at a later date, and who could blame her in fairness, what are the chances??
but bloody hell like....... bloody hell

Freak Scene

2008-08-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

And It was an awesome night out... at least thats what they tell me. the photos look good, i can tell you that for sure!

i arrived in cork wearing my kilt - a hit with some locals, a reason to have the question 'why byou wearin a skirt? hehehahahehehaha' asked to me in what we would class as a sxottish ned but it was grand, i know how to ignore them.

the next day however i had a small tipple with my host kell and his girlfiend aoife and got to the club and... well a few things that happened included doing laps of teh club unable to find the toilet until kell showed me by taking me by the hand, forgetting i bought my own food and being sure i was being tricked, spilling water and drying it with my hair, taking emo photos all night.... dropping my camera, not remembering the taxi ride and over the next few days being reminded of different things that the 3 of us did as the memmories spontaniously came back.

if you know me and want to see the eveidence, you'll know where to find it...

Jack Bauer

2008-08-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

As Im Currently Addicted To 24 Here Are Some Top Jack Bauer Facts For You To Enjoy!

Jack Bauer's gun reloads its self because its scared of him.

Jack Bauer doesnt urinate or deficate. He secretes waste through his pores as two chemicals which can be combined to create napalm.

The Swiss Army Knife MacGuyver uses was a present from Jack Bauer.

They say guns are illegal to just carry on the street. Jack Bauers left and right arm tend to disagree.

When Jack Bauer realized he had the same initials as James Bond and Jason Bourne, he killed both of those punks using a water pistol.

If you wake up in the morning, its because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Jack Bauers favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, hed shoot Nina twice.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauers gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack Fucking Bauer.

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You dont want to get 7 stars.

Dont ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.

Jack Bauer doesnt miss. If he didnt hit you its because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

If Jack says I just want to talk to him/her and that him/her is you well amigo, youre farked.

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when hes knocked out or temporarily killed.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location.

While being put under in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.

Jack Bauers family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesnt want to.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.

Everytime Jack Bauer yells NOW! at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

As a child, Jack Bauers first words were Theres no time!

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

Jack Bauer shouldnt be compared to Jesus. Jack rose from the dead not once, but twice.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Killing Jack Bauer doesnt make him dead. It just makes him angry.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.

what i wrote when i couldnt sleep

2008-08-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

bearing in mind i had been drinking with a few mates, arrived home and apparently talked to my mum which i dont even remember and went upstairs to sleep. this was written hours later in my phone after a bad on again off again sleep and saved in my phone.

The following is taken exactly from my phone at around 6am last night.... i dont even know what im about to write......

'No idea where i've put my contacts. they're definately not in my eyes anyway, thats for sure. i tried to take them out so many times my eyes are probably a different colour by now!
where they are, i have no idea. safe i'd gather - cos i don't remember chucking them banterously at an earlier point in the evening.

i just stumbled downstairs in a rather unfashionable fashion - by that i mean mostly sideways and falling into things. disastrious! upon trying to find my bottled water i failed miserably and only managed to drop chicken. i did grab an ice pole however and enjoy that!

suddenly i look thru two eyes, bad idea! double vision! but ireland soon dave, you will be alone in a sense as you won't really know anyone that well but you've always been good at putting yourself out there. you'll get by and you'll be fine. you know what. you'll be more than fine. you'll be awesome. this will be the best week of your life. and if it isn't..... you'll make it so'

whats it called?? 4am>?

2008-08-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

last night i briefly met a guy called rob. hes 21. he mentioned a party he was having this evening..... not that i was invited. but i was bored, so figured i ciuld workm myb magic. betwee lynsey who didnt technically have an invite either, fiona and and adam (fionas bf/the guys whis 21st it was's bestr mate) i got multiple invites, twas grand. what whas to come of the night was still to be delved into however...........

me knowingn no-one being thrust into a familynanjd friend -do having to say ive know the man of the evening for a grand totall of 3 hours... magic. i did get a wee bit tipsy howeverb and think itn more like a task however and it was nore liie wedding crashers, the more i got wy with it the better,

we - and by we i mean me and adam (the girls left to go home ehilst i went where the party took me) i didnt knnow where it was - cos i didnt knownwhere id been, but it was fun. and my efforst at chatting up the pretty bblonde girl from earlier were going well, that was until the other guy she liked came into the room..... settle for second best you say? screw that i say!!

and i must point ouyt that althout some neds did kick my newly found friends car for almost running them over.... they were lovely to me, and even offered me drink and a place to sleep.... ive never feltn more wanted by 2 female neds in my life. the guy ned looked quite pused aside at this point. but it made me smile inside.

so back at birthday boys house i wss upstairs and called my friend adam after a period of time to enquire of his whereabouts, 'home' he replied 'fuck' i resorted. i ran out of the house and started ru on it wentnnning before realising i dindnt know where i was or where i was running. it was hillarious but scary at that same time! i called a taxi and while waiting oon it went up to a boy cruiser who looked like h'ed rather run me over than answer 'no'.

i got back to my friends house eventually, it really wasnt far but i didnt know hat at the time. ive been typing a long time now do guess i should stop even though ive left things out and vital spelling mistajes!!!!

love your dastrardly davus x

my ouch blog

2008-08-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

so last night i went out to a club and in true 'havent been out and will make up for it by drinking harder better faster stronger style' i got a tad tipsy. it was grand though cos banter was being had, even if a major part of it involved me trying to find a bus time for Vibe over in England... i found this very hard to do however given my circumstances.

ok, dinners out so i really gotta bullet point the rest of this:

bouncer asked if i was ok even though i wasnt that bad. i was fine and chatted with him for a minute and he accepted i was fine
got lost in club twice cos its liek a maze and it has mirrors
i threw a glass away cos someone dumped it with me and i didnt want it
bouncer came outta nowhwere and dragged me to the door
dave was sad

on an extra note to bloggers to comment back

(cl, jane and rob mostly i guess - sorry ive not replied much net access is pants, should be up and running by monday :) )

always thinking

2008-07-31T18:09:00.000-07:00

the first thing i think about when i wake up, the constant reminder during the day.
i cant go out without remembering you, i wont be able to. you've cursed me in a sense. people say it's not so bad. its for the better really, ill get used to it. maybe i have. your one of the last things i think about at night too, even if I'm out with my friends i cant help but think about you just for a few seconds. I'll try not to let on, ill try to keep you a secret sometimes but i can tell people know I'm thinking of you at times.

your there, at the back of my mind, at the centre of everything. i carry you with me everywhere i go, ill never outrun you. wherever i am you'll be and i think you always will be. i guess i can live with that. if my definition on normal includes you in it then i guess you will be a part of my life. I don't have to tell everyone though, i think a lot of people might already know. they might have guessed if i haven't told them. sure, my close friends definitely know but they don't see you as different for it so don't worry and those who do - well they cant judge as I'm sure they have their faults. maybe they just don't understand what i feel......

so how many of you thought that was about a girl and not my medication i take twice a day?? ;)

words

2008-07-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

Typing so fast im starting to wonder how much of my identity is left on my fingerprints.

The thoughts spill from my mind to the keypad in seconds but im not sure they all make it in time.

I've so much to write but i know that this isnt where my talent lies. I'm starting to wonder where it does, starting to wonder if my natural talent even exists anymore.

I need to find it again before its too late

The Guys Night In

2008-07-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

*puts on some 'flight of the conchords' in the background to start this post*

So yeah, it was supposed to be a party. Not even supposed to be, but there was every intention of if being one, I invited enough people, there were a lot of delays in responses and i tried to work the date of the party around everyone else so i had high hopes of getting drunk with my friends but due to unforeseen circumstances it ended up being a guys night which to be honest ended up with hilarious consequences.... can i call them consequences in fact, i didn't do anything to make this happen, more like hilarious outcomes i guess... hell, it was a funny night.

So it started off with me Chris Frase and the new guy Bruce. so far what i knew of Bruce was that he was someone else in need of a drink. good enough for me, and he agreed to my 3 rules. 'What are your 3 rules Dave?' I hear you cry... well I'm glad you asked. 1. dont steal anything, 2. dont break anything and 3. dont puke if you can avoid it. - he agreed to all 3, as far as i was concerned, he was in for the drunken banter as much as anyone else.

Soon after euan called saying that his Sat Nav told him he was at my house.... silly sat nav, he was indeed at the right postcode, but still about a mile away. after about half an hour pof phone calls and driving we found Euan and safely got him to mine where the drinking finally began. music was put on, laughs were had (as was crisps and dip) youtube videos were watched (lips 2 da floor) and pendulum was put on while we played kings - note to all reading, never play the wikipedia rules for kings unless surrounded by hot girls!!!!! read them and you'll understand why! well, its a specific rule but still..... its one Ive never seen... and it never says when to stop this rule either which is what worries us, definitely not the rule for a lads nite!!

did you check?? i bet you did :p

so we all got pretty drunk and some absinthe was involved at some point when me and Frase remembered that we're goin to dress up as school kids for his bday in a few days, whats even funnier is that hes told others its a Mexican theme and others its a pirate theme..... this'll be one wicked party!! so we decided to get grass stains on our shirts by diving on the grass. im sure i thought i was cool and stuff at the time, but then the pain kicked in.... mostly when i winded myself.... or was it when we started tackling each other? well it couldn't have been as bad as when me and mark slapped each other for some unknown reason then Frase joined in..... Euan just stared blankly as we probably looked like the 3 stooges hitting each other. and it was all fun and games until a plant pot broke..... mums not to happy about that now, but i did re-plant it. what a clever little drunk boy i am :D

if only we'd stopped there, me and mark then thought that it'd be fun to start punching each other. we dont REALLY know why though. and we are both paying for it now. i think we must have presumed we were on jackass or something, but we didnt even record it to look back, we're actually just idiots... maybe next time we'll record it *sigh*

the highlight of my night has to be though discovering one thing about newcomer Bruce. no no, his last name is not Wayne, i was hoping for that too..... sadly i was wrong. it turns out that my ex from high school is his.... well his current i guess is the word. unfortunately me and my ex didnt leave things on the best of notes and i have this great ability to rip the piss outta her.... its just easy..... it probably makes me evil.... and it took all i had in me not to. this wasnt helped by the fact that Bruce was cool and that he kept saying how great high school ex was. as pointed out by a friend, people break up for reasons..... of all people, why tell me about her 'greatness'???

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......nd rest.....

and remember kids, The Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff handshake will never go out of fashion......

Party de la Susie

2008-07-25T12:08:00.000-07:00

Last night I had my second Susie house party experience. My first on was quite a while back where i made an impression as 'Dave The Legend' and as i was in a relationship at that time i got considerably drunk whilst watching a house full of people playing spin the bottle as i sat n the outside of the circle. We also played 'I Never' and the rest of the night .... well lets just say i dont really remember much of it!!

based on the last party however I'd define these social gatherings like a slightly more tame version of the promo for skins, the party you want to go to but dont want to throw and it was really easy for me to meet people too cos i only knew one person and i figured i was only there for a night. turns out it went pretty well though cos everyone i met last time actually seemed excited to see me this time.

With friendly hello's of 'Its Dave the Legend' and 'Hey, its that Dave Guy' I could see the night was going to be banterous to say the least. So Strongbow in one hand, drinking games on the go and drunken hilarity ensued. mostly in the form of trying to catch people out playing 'I Never', getting the gossip of who had kissed who and listening to music being played by a few people whos names kept escaping me - that aside, the music was good and entertaining and the company was good, not that i really remember what was being talked about overly.

More chat was had with the people i had met at the previous party about who certain people were and why one of them was following everyone about, Some said it was because she was young and impressionable - i found that the if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything phrase quite fitting to this moment. Eventually however sleep was had, i had even been given a bed (which felt abnormally small compared to my double) but a bed nonetheless.

and as had occurred in my last trip to Susie's it was a case of wake up, hug, thanks, chuck out.

Gotta love those parties!

end note: quotes of the evening included 'theres some cork in my wine' and 'this drinks so strong it'll put testicles on your chest'

has it come to this?

2008-07-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

the answer?: YES

im so bored. im house/pet sitting just now and have had no human contact in almost a week. i also live in the country for those of you who didnt already know so the term 'cabin fever' is feeling quite literal. ive resorted to making up games or tasks to do to keep myself occupied over the minutes, hours and days. like ill see how slowly i can eat a sandwich, see what time i get hungry one day compared to the next, test how long till the dog wakes me, can i stay up for one more movie? will i get caught walking the dog in my dressing gown?
hell, ive even started reading a book!!

now to clear things up, i like my alone time, at my old flat i liked doing my own thing, catching up with my flatmate for a few hours then going back to work or watching a dvd or whatever. i like my own company too but i like the opportunity to be able to arrange things at a moments notice, to have things to look forward to on a certain day, to know friends weren't far away. right now however im stuck, no transport (no cheap transport anyways) and he most conversation ive had is on the phone to my best friend for a bit, my flatmate once and briefly on the phone to my neighbour looking for my mum. during these calls though i feel myself holding onto the conversation. desperate for socialisation. not because im lonely, just because of the comparison from silence to someone actually talking back.

the dogs shite for conversation too, and he doesnt do what hes told..... whats really worrying is that he barks when ANY car pulls up, its half eleven and im watching most haunted - yes i know, its crap and not scary but you try living in a secluded place thats haunted watching this show on your own!!

i can close the curtains at night and in the living room it makes it feel more 'homely' i guess. its really just cos i cant see out in case just in case a murderer was at the patio windows looking in. lets be honest though, im so bored right now id invite him in and make him something to eat. id probably counsel him a bit and find the root of his problem just for something to do.
when the police took him away at his own discretion as he gave a full confession id be sad as well. sure, id have saved a lot of people and got a confession out of him but now who would i talk to???

anyways, enough of that...... im going to leave you on a comedy quote that the woman from most haunted just said 'the producer and myself have been given the honour of going t it alone in studio 2' - idiot!

do you miss it?

2008-07-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

in my experience you dont miss what you dont have. this can go for anything and everything else; money, girls, company, friends, education... the list is probably limitless. the reasoning? because why would you miss what you've never had? sure, you can be jealous of what other people have, maybe even have a longing for the perfect girl, a want for a night out and not worrying about watching every penny or a group of friends that will stay in touch forever just like inn the tv shows but life is different for everyone and your life wont revolve like a tv show or like your friends' and i dont think you should expect it to but as long as your asking yourself about these things that you dont have you also have to think 'do i really miss them?'

there is a possible loophole to this whole thing however, you could have had the group of friends, the cash, or whatever it is that you missed and then lost it. then theres the possibility of missing it or gaining something you've always wanted and taking advantage of something you've always wanted when you get it that you ruin having this new thing or you make yourself someone your not.

the best way to deal with this is to think about who you were before these things you longed for came into your life and if thats a person you liked dont let new encounters change you in a big way. experiences change people without a doubt, each one moulds you into the person you are and will be likely to change you or your perspective on life somehow but if you dont let it too much you'll still be the same person that others saw you as before.

Its Just A Phase

2008-07-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

Hi, My Name's Dave But You Probably Already Know That Right?

How Long Have You Known Me Though? I Thought I'd Take Yourselves (And Me) A Trip Down Memory Lane By Uploading A Photo Of Myself From Different Time Periods From Over The Last Few Years.

maybe You've Known Me This whole Time, Maybe You've Known Me Longer, Maybe we Just Met..... Maybe I Don't Even Know You... I Just Wanted To See How Much I'd Changed, If At All Since I Started Uni (Thats When I Got This Laptop). Besides, Having Just Finished, It'll Give Me Something To Look Back At.

From 2004
T0 2005

To 2006

To 2007

To 2008

drink anyone?

2008-07-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

the strangest thing is happening. im sitting in my house with my parents and we're all drinking!! the only reason they usually offer me alcohol is when we're celebrating and one of two things will usually happen. 1) ill politely decline and say ill drink another time - or 2) ill get down right steaming drunk.
Option 2 is normally picked when there is a lot of company and i can blend in and everyones friends can make my family calm down by saying things like 'hes fine, hes just enjoying himself, calm down' to which the situation will calm down, ill get more drunk and no one will be any the wiser. Besides, its not that often that i get drunk anyways and if i do i am sensible about it.

Tonight however mum and dad were having wine or champagne, I asked if i could have some before remembering the cider that was in the fridge. I perked up saying 'or i could have the cider. dad brought through a small glass and I thought he only expected me to have a small glass all together but when i said that now i'd have to refill he quite genuinely said he'd leave me the bottle. a rather big bottle at that.

This is very unlike my parents. Its like all these stories you hear of parents giving the first drink to their kids while they're in their parents' company. I dont know if this is a 'your still our baby - drink sensibly' thing or maybe a 'your a man now' thing. either way i dont know whether to be amused or uncomfortable. We're also watching the tennis however..... this is uncomfortable, ive decided that after snooker, its the most boring sport to watch ever!!

and an extra point: ive added someone new to my blogroll, feel free to check out his blog out from there im sure you'll find his many other blogs he has running for photography etc : )

my first and last resort

2008-06-29T06:27:00.000-07:00

living on a farm gets kinda tedious. There isnt much to do right now apart from the obvious - tidy up, and to be fair, i dont wanna do that, i look for distractions and wheres best for that? the Internet. my blog, sites where i can post comments to my friends, i can download things via itunes, send emails or if nothing else works i can just watch a dvd. the Internet is actually a curse.

I mean its brilliant, i dont know how i'd survive without it, but with it i am a zombie. Looking to my right there's so much to be done but thinking in my head theres so many distractions from actually continuing with work that NEEDS to be done before i can move out.

For those of you addicted to social networking sites such as myself i strongly suggest listening to 'new friend request' by Gym Class Heroes. It defines everything i've just said and more. Its genius, seriously. give it a listen, its probably on their home page - it basically describes how desperate people are to escape reality that they use the Internet to do so...... although they go into more depths.

And we all do it from time to time, I know i do. even if its a cyber reality of talking to my friends, ok that sounds kinda weird now. but its a distraction. it just means when my parents ask me to do something i can excuse myself from it as 'im busy' or when i see a mess i can 'get to it later'.
Later never arrives and if i want to move out, later has to be soon. I have 8 bags sitting around me right now and i actually dont know whats in any of them....... jesus.

Internet. I both love and hate you. You have helped me get where I am, this is a great thing and a terrible thing all at once. damn you......

the unexpected wake up call

2008-06-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

He stayed up late at night, he had things to do - at least thats what he told people whilst he watched the latest season of his favourite tv show. This of couse resulted in sleeping in during the day, he knew his parents wouldn't be best pleased about this now that he was home but it was a sacrifice he was willing to take.

He fell asleep around 4am and the next thing he realises he's waking up to the 'vrooom vrooom vrooom' vibration of a text message coming through at half past 10 in the morning. Picking up the phone in a hazy state and expecting it to be one of about 7 people he is shocked to see the ex girlfriends name there when he opened the '1 message received'. he looks through his recently rubbed eyes to read 'im sorry for hurting you'.

Confusion strikes, yes he was hurt by the break up once upon a time. The break up had initially had been mutual, then as the story goes, each of them had hurt differently but the young man had wanted to rekindle the relationship whereas the girl wanted alone time. This turned out to be time where she would stay with the boy sh was seeing however and develop that to a relationship however. As the confusion continued to set in all the young man could think to do was leave the message until he was more awake or do what he really wanted to do - ask where this sudden apology had came from..... so he asked where the apology came from.

Eventually he got a reply stating that she was just thinking how upset he was and that she just wanted to say sorry...... and yes, he was upset for a while and she apologised at the time. Why apologise again now? guilt? closure? thinking about him? just wanting him to say its all ok so they can be out of each others lives? who knows apart from the girl.

It was time for the truth, so thats what he replied with. it basically said that he was upset but that he wasnt anymore, he knew things weren't going to change any time soon and he had accepted that, he used to want things to be different but he was fine now, he didn't like the fact she went straight into another relationship as it seemed like their time together meant nothing but it was obviously was best for her. He would probably never be fine with the girl and her new other half together at the same time but if the ex and himself remained friends then at least that would be something.

there was no reply after that. maybe there would be, maybe there wouldn't. maybe she was stuck for words. There are a lot of if's, but's and maybe's in this story. In the long run though, if the girl is apologising then the man thinks there is a reason so he feels that giving his honest opinion was the best thing to do in return. why now? he doesnt know, the outcome? he doesn't know.

what the future holds? whatever i want it to. this is MY life, I had a choice on what to do and I think I made the right one.

David Crozier B.A.

2008-06-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

im gone left, away, no more. the flat was cleaned - sparkling infact and i packed up and left...... oh yeah, then i went to go graduate.

and graduate i did. crapping myself all the way i might add. it was like a harry potter reunion with the whole cloak deal and i was shaking knowing that a fifteen second walk across stage was all i had to do to officially graduate, yet it seemed like so much. in time though my name was called, i walked half way, bowed slightly at the first man who put a cushion on my head (he same one he had to everyone else which is just asking for head lice transfer if you ask me) then i handed my hood to someone else and received my certificate from another lady. aaaaaaaaaaaaaand all without tripping up! thank god!

had some professional photos taken afterwards too which was cool and took some casual and novelty ones too including myself using the cloak as a batman cape and also putting it all on kenny as he doesnt have a degree...... all in the name of good fun.

but check me out now, all qualified..... ive still got loads to do, a lot of my life to sort out and get on with but im one step closer now :)

before i go.....

2008-06-25T14:13:00.000-07:00

to sum up in more than a few words;

had an awesome day out yesterday with rob who was his usual banterous self, cl (who i kept jumping between the many names i know her by) and ross (who i thought was called russ half the time). eventually we were joined by more people, some of which i had met before (yet they had no recollection of me) and others were brand new - indiana jones was one.... and my theory of 'everyones called dave was proven right as i met 2 others by the same name affectionately (i assume) known as turbo dave and party dave....... i didnt have a nickname, but i did have on a sweet jacket, charity shop bought and tweed like though it was it was perfect. i somehow even got into campus and kusion with it, and bouners in glasgow hate me!!

i spent most of the night talking crap i assume, tis my normal way but made some single serving friends at least and they were all very nice. i however was very much in the mood for dancing and found it highly amusing when i got lost in the club when i started dancing alone. it didnt mater to me though, nor did it matter that i dance like a loon. i was having fun, i even started talking to people about my jacket and i believe at one point i may have called it sexy....

what made it better was that every time i looked at my clock time seemed to be moving slowly, just for me - as if to say 'its your last nite in glasgow for a while probably dave, enjoy it!', so i did... i was even prepared to stay alone until 3 if i had to but decided that people who lived in the same direction as me leaving half an hour earlier was a happy medium, especially since i had to get up at 10 for an appointment today!

but i enjoyed last night a lot, and for different reasons; my new jacket, great company, new faces and old ones, gettin tipsy, dancing, bouncers not hating me, pretending i was 'brushing dirt off my shoulder' jay-z style, and having a night out to remember.

i leave glasgow tomorrow, i dont know how long for, forever? a week, a month.... till i get a job here, till i visit a friend? i really dont know. ill be back but maybe i need a fresh start from this place. im really happy for the friends i have made though this year and i hope that we do keep in touch and you let me pester you whenever the opportunity arises ..... seriously, farms aren't that amusing!!

englishy

2008-06-20T11:28:00.000-07:00

After a rather strange conversation with CL earlier, and not strange as in bad - strange as in, talking a lot of crap (mostly on my part probably) we got onto the topic of what tc show she likes..... angel and buffy came up, to an extent this gave her cool points. then however so did pride and prejudice came up, something ive now decided should only be watched as part of a drinking game (as this is clearly the only way it can be enjoyed)

take this quote i found for example:

'why there mr darcy..... is that a mars bar in your hand or are you just dreadfully happy to see me?'

'well, what? this? oh, this is frightfully embaressing but if i have to be honest my dear - and i fear i must, oh what the devil! i do believe that i am growing rather fond of you'

its just too ....... englishy.......... this is why a drinking game would make it more fun....

here's the pic i think went with the quote by the way:

the saturday pub

2008-06-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

in advance, je suis drunk. this will hopefully be explained in the story...... brb, im gonna put on comfy manly pyjama's!!

thats right, a red hot chilli peppers top thats warped in the wash and pj shorts count as manly (only cos i dont wanna be womanly)....illl never really be manly, lets face it, its not in my nature, its not me, its not Dave-esque but ill pretend it is whilst im drunk for the banter. as i like to say time and time again, its all about the banter!!

anyways, to keep the pub nameless so as the popularity doesn't rise overnight (as i know it would) i went to the pub with my good friend fran d tonight and her friends who its nice to know are actually slowly becoming more than aquantinces of my own as we are getting on very well. bantwer was had and i was talking to almost everyone. its a pub after all, you cant talk t9o everyone as the volume of not only the music is loud but of some people already intoxicated...... these people make it very difficult to chat to as when you try and talk anll you get is 'MY NAME IS ________________ WHATS YOURS?????' and then you spend 5 minutes rinsing out your ears before you get the next sentance from them.

buty i did get good chat from fran d and DA, also laura and muro (all previous contacts who i had happily met before) as well as some new people who were in the pub of our choice......

eventually we moved onto a club, the usual one from this pub and to be fair, i like it for a couple of reasons - i never get id's we do rounds and i always end up drunk...... just a shame fran ended up goin home. it was nic ehowever that i was accepted into the group so easily and with such ease, i have had this done in groups before but i have only met most of these people between 1 and 3 times before and iot was a really nice thing for them to accept me so easily.

rounds were taken, drinks were downed, danced were danced to..... including DA and myself gay dancing from time to time whilst left alone.... yes, i admit it, i probably shoulsdnt but what the heck, banter and all that - at least he didnt successfully turn me like he planned :P

the end of the night came and i literally lost track of everybody one by one, found them agaion and then lost them again. more detail i hear you ask? ok, heres the breakdown:

laura ran back in the club after the baywatch soundtrack - i wasnt on, i ended up holding her bag! we found everyone else, i phoned marion, we lost everyone else, i wealked marion from city centre to partick.....maybe 2 miles-ish? was told i could stay at DA's flat, DA didn't answer...... i walked home. here i am, blogging at 5:15am.

whats wrong with me? i should be bloody sleeping!!!!! im going to bournemouth at a 6am train from central on monday, i need to rest tomorrow and pack!!!

bad dave, silly dave!!!! sleeepy dave?? nope? whats wrong with me?? remiond me to tell you a funny story soon. if i havent been reminded ill know enough people dont read this and will need to expand the readers....

love always,

Dtc

x

The Day That Was

2008-06-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

It was actually, dare I say it? I think I dare....... fun!
Now i don't want to jinx it, the day is over but there are things still to continue from it (remembering enough to write about it for one) but it was actually the first 'guys night out' I can actually remember having that wasnt just me and frase.. not that they aren't awesome, but as far as a night out goes, the more the merrier i say. and merry we were!

at 99p a drink we werent exactly scoffing, the bearded one (not rob, he had recently had his monthly shave) was practically ecstatic and wished he had been told about strathclyde's glorious tuesday offer before now. so we drank and we played pool like real men do.... whilst taking ridiculous photos (see attached) and following the signs (see 'the Celestine prophecy or my blog entitled 'the rules of the signs') - rob was avoiding this particular part of the evening but he was providing enough banter for us to let it go this time.

about ten we left to depart to our club of the evening, with every intention of getting in but in all honesty, with no expectation. Thankfully we ran into a couple of random girls who persuaded us to go to another club as all drinks were 10p cheaper..... thats right, 10p.

we never left the union that night, between comments over my 'i found jesus: he was behind the sofa the whole time' tshirt, steve being trigger happy with the camera, frase being particularly smooth and rob getting his groove on...

we also caught up with the girls we met outside and their mates who it turned out were pretty cool and we had a good laugh with them too, i even met a guy i knew from first year at uni. so banter was had and new drunken acquaintances were made..... all that was needed for a night out really.

the night suddenly drew to a close at 2am (earlier than i had wanted but later than i had expected) and rob, having stayed about 5 hours more than he had intended made an understandable sharp exit, myself and my friends from fife kicked about and walked our new best drunken friends to best kebab, where they'll steal your money if they rekon your drunk enough.

i however was walking bare footed in my shoes as my socks were on someone elses feet, i think it went a bit like this:

'my feet hurt, i wish i had socks'

'my names dave, would you like my socks, i have shoes that are sensible and dont hurt my feet'

'really?'

'sure, they're just weighing me down anyways'

After 'best kebab' we got all the girls into a taxi and spent about an hour taking in the scenery by ways of stupid photos which seemed hilarious at the time, but as steve is leaving soon it had to be done.

all in all it was an amazing night, we met some new people, had a good laugh and there was good company to enjoy it all.

if i have another night out soon that matches this quality ill be a lucky man....

spontanious me

2008-06-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

tomorrow shall be good. its those spontanious nights that i love the most, the ones where you let thisngs happen or you plan them so late that things just have to fall into place.

for those of you who dont know me as well, im an organiser, i need to know whats happening when. its a compulsion really - no, its not diagnosed but i know its there. if it wasnt for this half of my group would never meet up i dont think and i wouldnt have had half of teh opportunities ive had on the other hand when i let go of this 'need to know' mentality i can have some of the best nights ever.

take right now for example, i just caught fraser before i put some washing on, explained that steve was coming through tomorrow and he should come. he emailed me and said he'd be there and could use the break. yes, there is a vague plan there but only so far as to we are meeting up and getting so drunk we wont feel feeligs anymore, and lets face it - isnt that what the world needs? drunk twenty somethings wandering through town reminising about the past and laughing about the banterous things they've done throughout the day?

so ive done it, ive let go.... for now.

today i tidy, tomorrow i party....

like my msn name says currently,

'its not who you were, its who you are now that counts'

dealing and rekindling

2008-06-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

everyone knows that uni isnt what its cracked up to be in all cases. at least its not what the media portrays. its not all party party party and its not all getting high and looking out for the next girl.

it should be about having fun and meeting new people though. this i have tried to do. and i feel ive lost touch with it a bit. something tonight sparked something in me to realise that all though friends come and go, its the keeping in touch that will stop them going forever.

my friend who i have not properly seen in a long time hung out with me for a good portion of tonight, we havent done this properly in god knows how long and i had an awesome time just in their company. i don't know in the long run how often this can happen so before this fades for another few months we have arranged to meet again in the next week to retain this friendship.

it helps me deal with current circumstances, remember old times and form new memories. happy times all round on the whole.

not all is well but things are looking up and i believe that if i can bring this to more situations then i wont lose touch like i am fearing i will, i will merely be distant. ready to re-embark my friendship with people when the time calls.

sincerely,

an intoxicated dave

And then she was gone

2008-06-02T04:03:00.000-07:00

I didnt know if i'd see her on the day she left me. We were already apart but remained in touch - it was a confusing situation, especially for me, you can count on that. Today however she was moving out and i had no idea how this was affecting her, how seeing me would affect her or if she cared.

I sent her a message last night asking if she wanted to say goodbye which to my 'delight' was ignored (the future would tell that she had fallen asleep due to the time that i sent it at) and i assumed had given me one of 2 answers 'it would be too hard' or 'i cant be bothered'. I would never know which but I would however know she did not want to see me anymore whereas i could (at least for the preset) not stop thinking of her. I continued to set an alarm for this morning to wake myself and her up to be the gentlemen I am and indeed to get my answer, as hard as it may be. I was willing to accept it as I was starting to move on and accept the innevitable, things were just progressing much slower than i had anticipated.

I awoke to a phone call her name showed up on the screen and she requested a quick goodbye now rather than immediately before she left. Being the person I am I was not going to turn this request down, I would even go on to offer to hel with her luggage would she need it!

We spoke about how things had ended, how she didnt want to go but about how i didnt want her to go for different reasons, there were a few ties i was conviced i could see her looking back at me like i must have been looking at her; longingly, like i'd never find anyone quite the same, wishing it had never gone wrong and still having those strong feelings. I wanted to kiss her, i almost did but i couldn't risk everything we've salvaged. Maybe i should have been bolder, there are times I wish i could have been but we were both upset, maybe for the same reasons, maybe for different ones and she was starting a new job tonight. I put her first. I dont hate myself for that but I hate that I seem to not be able to place any blame anywhere else, all my anger is taken out on me.

It is getting easier, but every time it gets hard again i slip a little, I do feel more confident, I dont think about her all the time now but only because i know she must never think about me.

Im not young and naive, I'm old enough to know that the phrase 'It's better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all' is a lot of crap, no one needs to go through this pain. If i knew this was at the other side, i'd rather to have never loved at all.

Now i need to finish getting through the pain, It might be easier now that i know i won't see her all the time but thats what the next few days, weeks and months will till me i guess.

Good Things Come To Those Who....

2008-05-27T07:02:00.001-07:00

Dont Expect, Look For It Or Want It.

Thats my theory anyway. i mean there are signs, things can happen for a reason, things can be and before completely turning around and giving you that great feeling you've been waiting for.

There was a guy I knew once who thought it couldt get any better and then it did. slowly things started to fall apart though and he thought the world was against him. its not though, things just take a bit of time to re-allign themselves to fit back into a new order of whats right. he's not there yet but hes getting there, his mates are with him and he understands what hes gotta do to get there. chances cant slip past him anymore and if they happen to maybe they weren't the chances he was waiting on. maybe they were just the things that were building him up to learn from.

He's becoming more confident now. i can see it already. he's not expecting anything good to happen anytime soon, he's not looking for it, he doesnt even want anything permanent. he just wants an opportunity to prove that he's worth something to himself as well as other people and get a fresh start at life, make some new friends and make things happen for himself.

if i can start to make it happen so can he, thats what i figure anyways. im not there yet either but i will be. and so will he.

good things come to those who........

......

......

....

..

wait

this is my life, and its ending one minute at a time

2008-05-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, thats not a bad thing. Its just a point. Its a point to stop spending time being upset about things i cant do anything about and moping like i have been doing for the last while and start getting on with things again.

What im basically saying is that life flies by, if you dont reach out and grab a piece of it then it'll all be gone before you can do anything about it. There are highs, there are lows but overall and eventually you have to realise that you have to keep the good memories and learn from the bad experiences, put your life back on track as soon as you can and try as hard as you can not to dwell on where you could have been better.

New experiences will come along, maybe old ones will cross your path again and by then you'll know how to handle them better and remember that your friends really are there for you.

Focus on what you need to, be selfish from time to time but never forget those that have helped you when you have needed it most and this is your big chance at life, make the most of it, do your best but dont be afraid to make mistakes, they are how you learn, how you become better next time round.

This is my life, and its ending one minute at a time ...... so im going to make the best of every single second..

Not My Words

2008-05-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

Thou shalt not steal if there is direct victim.

Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.

Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.

Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a peadophile… Some people are just nice.

Thou shalt not read NME.

Thou shalt not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.

Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.

Thou shalt not judge a book by it’s cover.

Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.

Thou shalt not buy Coca-Cola products.

Thou shalt not buy Nestle products.

Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.

Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.

Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Use it to get into their heads.

Thou shalt not watch Hollyokes.

Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave before it’s done just because you’ve finished your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.

Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.

Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were. - The Beatles… Were just a band.Led Zepplin… Just a band.The Beach Boys… Just a band.The Sex Pistols… Just a band.The Clash… Just a band.Crass… Just a band.Minor Threat… Just a band.The Cure… Just a band.The Smiths… Just a band.Nirvana… Just a band.The Pixies… Just a band.Oasis… Just a band.Radiohead… Just a band.Bloc Party… Just a band.The Arctic Monkeys… Just a band.The Next Big Thing.. JUST A BAND.

Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-english speaking countries as to those that occur in english speaking countries.

Thou shalt remember that guns, bitches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.

Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.

Thou shalt not pimp my ride.Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.

Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.

Thou shalt not make some noise for Detroit.

When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.

When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.

When I say, he say, she say, we say, make some noise…

Thou shalt not quote me happy.

Thou shalt not shake it like a polaroid picture.

Thou shalt not wish you girlfriend was a freak like me.

Thou shalt spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.

Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it”.

Thou shalt think for yourselves.

things ive done

2008-05-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

ive done a lot in my life, some good, some bad - positives and negatives. reflections on what ive done is the main thing. finding out where ive went wrong and trying to rectify my mistakes.

some mistakes cant be rectified ive now come to realise. some mistakes just have to be learned from and you have to move on. moving on is hard if the mistake is a tough lesson to learn from... if people are hurt in the process, but moving on is the best action apparently - so the rumors say anyway.

ive done a lot of thinking about when ive stressed, when im nervous, when i have gone wrong and when ive hurt people as well as myself. it never gets any easier. the question is, what do i do with this information, how do i process it, what do i do now?

the answer?; i don't know. try to progress, try to be myself, try to ensure i can learn from it to not hurt myself and others from now on.

the result? time will tell i guess.........

time is a healer, time is knowledge, time tells us of all things that have been and will be.

its a crazy ole world

2008-05-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

nobody knows it but you've got a secret side and you use it only for me.

yes, technically it should be secret smile but recently theres this other side of you im seeing. its different, angrier, louder, less communicative, somehow stronger and when your with me your one person but when we're apart i wonder if your another.

the side i see when your with me is just like it used to be, i sometimes think im the only ones who knows who you really are. when just the 2 of us hang out things dont seem to have changed at all, but when i imagine you moving on and see how much things have really changed over the last month i realise that maybe your changing because you want to, maybe its because you have to, or maybe its because its time.

i never saw a gap growing so vast though, if i jump now i might just make it to the other side. if i stay here im bound to be hurt and never be free. what hurts me is that i want to know what happens next, what happens in the next chapter of this big book we're all living in every day and will the gu and the girl get back together or will they realise it was never meant to be?

lyrics and the girl

2008-05-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

These words get to me - 'your all i want, your all i need, your everything' - its a song i like. it used to have meaning. it follws by saying 'how can i stand her with you and not be moved by you, can you tell me how could it be any better than this?'

it now kills me every time i hear it, but i cant stop listening. i cant focuss. im actually different, and i dont know what to do. the songs lyrics were just lyrics once, taken from smallville of all things! a scene where clark longed for lana's love as she was so close yet so far, they became something different though when i shared the song with someone else.

i took the song for my own unique song and enjoyed it, i shared it with someone one night and it soon became a shared song. now i listen to it alone, i listen to it as i type, as i work and i reminise. it makes me think of what once was and what i know never will be again. i thought things had worked out for the best but i began to miss the one i shared the song with recently. im not so sure they miss me however and soon i will know for sure that they dont and it will take a lot of water to rehydrate me to keep the tears flowing.

i used to think this was a song i would share forever but now i think its something i will have to listen to alone. i dont want to but i cant sway opinions, i cant force the hand of another and i cant change what was meant to be. i want the one who used to love this song to be happy most of all. i wanted it to be with me, even when we were apart i knew i did but i tried to get on. what i cant stand is the thought of another song being shared, another tune for her to dance to in the moonlight, another beat in the background where she is happy with someone else.

it might be too late for me, but one out of two isnt bad. i wont like it, but if she needs to forget the lyrics i will have to learn to aswell...

The Person You See Before You

2008-05-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

i'd wear my heart on my sleeve, but where has that got me? a heart out of place and a messy shirt, thats where. vulnerable, out of control and unhappy.

i'd be honest if i only knew how, this persona you all see isnt really me, its who you like to see, its who i like to see. the real me is hidden below layers. oh, im in here but it would take more than a telescope to see deep enough to find me.

im lonely, you dont know that though. no one does. im fine really, 'happy happy happy', i say with anguish eating at me. drinking to forget, watching something to escape reality. avoiding evertything to escape the truth that is my life.

its not all badthough, so dont shed a tear for me. i always pull through somehow. life finds a way. i find a way. im a sociable character who sometimes mixes with the wrong crowd, does the right thing for the wrong reasons or thew wrong thing for the right, im scared of the poast and look forward to the future while at the same time i cant bear to think whats infront of me.

im human, just like you. but not like you.

its a curious things really isnt it? life i mean. everything can suddenly go so fast that it seems to go past before you have a chance to join in. thats what seems to have happened to me. im i it now, i have a role, a part to play. i didnt chose it, it chose me. so here i am, living my life, sometimes a day at a time, sometimes a week, sometimes a minute seems like an hour and this 22 year old feels ready for retirement before he's even been hired.

'why...?' i feel inclined to ask..... 'why me?'

All Because of You

2008-05-18T15:40:00.000-07:00

I dont hate you for who y0u are. I hate you for what you're doing to me. Inside, deep inside it hurts now. Its like something burning that wont go away, like a fire that keeps getting more fuel added to it; bringing the flames higher and higher.

You did this, you knew it would hurt but you did it anyway. 'Nice guys finish last', a song i stand by. Do the right thing and you lose, help a friend and you lose, save someone from hurting and you end up getting hurt.

Why now? Everything was starting to make sense at last. Life, work, friends, interviews. Finally my life might be on track. But its not about my life is it. Its about how your life has affected mine.
Someone once told me that love is defined as 'how you make another person feel about themself'. I used to think i done that job pretty well. Maybe i was wrong. I used to think i was loved. Maybe i was wrong - and now you. You made me see the light, with subtle changes i realised what you had done to me, intentional or not. You're not really to blame, i hold no real grievanc'es against you personally - more you as a symbol to what you may now have that i never will.

But thats my nice guy syndrome kicking in, not hating the person, hating the action 'hate the sin, love the sinner' as it were. Well I do hate the sin, I've lost a lot in my life and I have moved on. Today I need to make a choice about what my next step is, do I continue and ignore my internal monologue of paranoia and keep a friend or do i save myself?

Falling

2008-05-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

..and then i fell. at last i think i did. its what all the bumps and bruises tell me anyway. the memory blank is strange, yes - i was drinking but not that bad. and why did i blank from the second i left the pub to the second i hit home? literally hit home....the wall.

i looked up and read 'security'. 'what are you doing here?' i asked quite surprised, defensive almost.
'helping you up' the man replied' i cant remember his tone but im guessing one of a man who wasnt impressed.
'well how did you know i was here?' i prodded further, curious as to how he had come to find me in this state i was in..... looking at my over reactions it was a state..... but not a drunken one. something was definitely off about me.
'CCTV' he exhaled reaching to help me
'oh! hey! there's my flat right there!' i said getting up from my slumped position. had i been asleep? unconscious? 'ill just be going in now, sorry about that, night then, sorry, bye' why was i still talking?

the next thing i know im trying to take my contact lenses out and ignoring my face.... i cant get them and decide to check their container. they sit looking up at me, waiting to see my next move. i shut them in the dark again and go back to a reflection that scares me to my core.
head - bashed, cut and scraped
left side of lips - swollen and cut pretty bad
eye - swollen

so it was a fall....... but i wasnt that drunk, im the first to admit it.......... i thought about it a minute. how did i get home. my mind had deserted me on this one, nothing. i was alone with a memory of the security guard and vaguely remember tripping somewhere. he night up to the point of leaving is clear as a bell. i could probably list every new persons name and age, time we moved pubs and time i left but then nothing.

my legs start to feel strained as i remember when i last felt this pain. like running a marathon but not. memory blanks, doing strange things. i had taken a seizure somewhere. had i been alone? had i been ignored, had someone helped me?

i dont know, i never will, maybe i dont want to

the eternal struggle

2008-04-29T11:34:00.000-07:00

Dearest [Annonymous Residence Location],

As much as I think you are all great as people, I now feel obliged to let you know a few things after a note left on our door this morning (29 April 2008).

The very fact that you can accuse our flat of making the smell that only started occurring when the hole in the roof appeared and water started leaking through it is unbelievable. What makes it worse is that you have either never been up since then or never noticed a smell since backing up the point that it is blatantly not us, but you have ignored the hole in our roof, either with your eyes or by not getting messages through to the janitors correctly or you have just not been up to do the monthly checks at all.

It may be taken into account that 2 janitors have to be on the day that our roof has to be fixed but considering we were told that by after Christmas we would have our problem solved and it was only fixed very recently I think that all the exclamation marks and accusations were a bit out of order. Claiming that all of flat 16 caused the smell in the flat is not only outrageous but also insulting!! (<--- How do you like it? hurts doesn’t it?)

Talking of delayed responses, electricity bills 6 at a time isn’t exactly ideal either. Now I live in the dark most of the time. Sometimes ill rub 2 pieces of flint together to get a spark but then ill remember how sensitive your fire alarms are and ill stop. Its completely unfair what you have done to us and we have no time to ration our electricity anymore as we have no time to budget. I have very little money at present and am not happy to think I will be taking out a loan now to cover my costs of electricity when it could have been easily avoided. I, along with everyone else have visited the mailroom many times and have given you many opportunities to pass on the bills and yet you held them back from us for so long that life is become more complicated than any of us ever needed it to be.

Taking all this into account I hope you will at least not charge us for the drawing pin hole in the kitchen door that you have made when putting the note that you so kindly left us, it warms my heart thinking about it now….. I will be asking for a breakdown of costs if I am charged a single penny when I leave as at least on my part the flat will be in a good condition when I depart.

Sincerely,

Dave

The End....

2008-04-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

The young man wonders what to do next. He is no longer part of another half. It will take some getting used to but they both understood it was for the best, and a kept friend is better than a lost one - that he knew for sure. He hasn't got round to cleaning all the things out yet though, he needs to and he knows it. 'part of the healing process' he's been told. That's just it. he doesn't feel like he needs to be healed right now, he feels that the break up was for the best. Yes, there was pain, but in the long run its for the best. A little pain now to save a lot of pain later. It makes sense really.

Space. Is that it? Has hanging out as friends been happening too fast? He doesn't think so. he feels its been ok, but feeling aren't just like a switch, that's a fact. Maybe after today there should be a couple of days space? Not suggested, not to cause pain, just to distance each other slightly to get used to the idea.

The separation was mutual, maybe the reasons were mostly his at present but eventually they would be mutual and even if they were his, he should be allowed to be selfish slightly. 3rd year, jobs, work, late night and early mornings. a weight has been lifted for now knowing that he's not being the boyfriend who treats his girlfriend badly (unintentionally though it may be).

Most people understand, most people see it as mature, but his parents, they see him to be selfish. they see him to be disregarding of her feelings. They assume its just a phase. It's not. He's happy they were happy as a couple, but things change, situations change and people change. Now he's happy their just friends. One day his parent's will understand that. For now he will have to put up with their disappointment in the whole situation. He knows they only want him to be happy, but if they want him to be happy they would listen completely rather than with selective hearing.

This is not the end he realises, its the beginning. Its a new start. The old other half can be involved in his life to an extent as long as they are both happy to continue as friends, it will simply be in a different way than it was before. He on the other hand can continue with his life and spend more time to himself ensuring no one gets hurt along the way. Prioritising his work, Friends .... and maybe the odd drink

a collection of boring thoughts

2008-04-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

Piece of advice; although working in a soup kitchen is rewarding, you meet interesting people, you come away with interesting stories and you learn a lot about yourself you'll suddenly realise that now all those people you walk past and avoid eye contact with so as not to feel guilty about not giving money to them........ they now know your name.

That wasnt exactly advice, but it was a point, and a true one, it was going to be advice but it went a bit weird as i started typing. ok, heres some advice - never trust a bus driver who scowls as you get on the bus, you'll only end up in east kilbride twice and be convinced that your in balamory and/or the land of the dead as you get on busses you've never been on in your life......... stupid tube being off!!!

you know anyone looking to hire anyone as a youth worker/community learning worker at around 17-18 grand any time soon-ish?

applying for jobs sucks.

can you say 'damn straight!' referring to someone who isnt?

why are sinks called sinks? i guess they would sink, but isnt the idea that things sink in them?

2 blonde's are sitting on a bus, one turns to the other; 'breezy up here, isnt it??'

would you rather fade out and be forgotten or be hatefully remembered? i'd rather do some good and then fade out.......

people on the subway

2008-03-25T15:22:00.000-07:00

People on the subway amuse me. They look at me like they want the seat next to me but i just smile politely + look back at my phone. They come in all shapes + sizes, people on the subway. They stare, they listen they read. People on the subway; where are u going? People on the subway. Will u be my friend?

trying to bring you sumer, but im winter...

2008-03-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

i just deleted a whole blog as it was going nowhere. it was just words. not words like 'cake banana policeman jelly irn bru gala casino beer fruit cup' - thats just daft, more like a ramble, kinda like this is turning out to be. but lets not start this again.

you ever wanted something so bad and hoped so much for it? you've promised yourself you wouldnt get your hopes up about it but then you cant help it, you do.... then what your looking at seems to slip away bit by bit? thats happening to me right now.
im due a backdated benefit, quite a large one, ive gave them every piece of information they've wanted, i've waited for days, weeks, months and now - years. and still no result. the fact is that i'm due about ..... well lets say its enough. but its gotten so bad that now i have to go to my MP and get him to help fight my case. and i need him to do it asap.

i've started to think what i could do with this money and my hopes are getting lifted and i'm just waiting for them to get smashed again in a few weeks, and it isnt gonna feel good. i got told by someone that things seem to be working out for me recently... and they did, but thats when i was hopeful. this money could be my chance to basically settle my student loan debts and never have to worry about them, to set aside money for rent on a flat next year, to maybe even pay for a couple of nice things for myself....

i can look at it in the respect that im not any worse off than when i started, cos im not. i never had the money, so i never lost it really. but the money was due to me through a benefit scheme and they've just avoided giving it to me at all costs.

i usually say to be pessimistic, that way things turn out better than you expect, but to be honest if your always pessimistic your worlds gonna be shit no matter what. i guess with this one im gonna have to live in optimism and put up with the dissapointment if things go that way.

trust is a curious word

2008-03-15T07:23:00.000-07:00

i have a lot of friends. i also have a lot of secrets. secrets ranging in depth of how 'secret' they actually are. i find keeping other people's secrets much easier than keeping my own ive found too. and what ive really found is that if you can find someone to trust with one of your secrets then your really lucky.

its amazing how many people can say 'you can tell me anything'. they will usually have a few reasons for saying this:

1. gossip - they cant wait to tell someone else
2. they cant wait to know something someone else doest know
3. they cant wait to have something on you to use as blackmail
4. they might actually be sincere

now the people who gossip, dont be mad at them, you've probably been one. but lets face it, it gets us nowhere. the people who just want to know something - thats just sad. but the people who listen they're the mates you need to keep by you and return the favour when the time comes. and it will. probably over a few beers but it'll come. people keep secrets all the time and telling someone who ca actually keep quiet it an awesome thing. ive been the guy who listens and ive got a few people who i can talk to, different depths of things to different people maybe but it still happens.

the world is full of secrets........ whats yours?

behind the mirror

2008-03-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

I wrote it the following at around one 'o'clock in the morning after taking a youth group away to do a piece of work, have a meal and go to a disco..... I wrote it as if i was talking to myself as it is describing a seizure and then an absence seizure and with absence seizures i kinda feel like I'm having an out of body experience, (like I'm watching what goes on or passing on instructions) so i thought writing it as if i was talking to myself worked in telling how it played out.

It'll probably still be confusing to people who don't know me, even more so if you don't understand epilepsy at all but ill read back through it at the end and sum it up if i need to. Feel free to ask if you've got any questions....

'Dear -Me,

You took a seizure before you left today but you didn't tell anyone. It wasn't big but it threw you off a bit - maybe that's why Joe thought you looked drunk later and you just said you were tired? -, but you got on with things, you pulled through. you kept it to yourself and you worked away.
Looking back that might not have been the best idea; did you forget or did you just not want to tell in fear of being disallowed on the trip? - well whatever the reason you royally fecked up later.

It was like the butterfly effect meets some kind of stalker film. the flash backs were to the day mainly i think, but some bits of general group work over the last couple of months, but they weren't memories.... the were different somehow. and every time you looked in a mirror it seemed wrong. it was the reflection, you saw someone else didn't you? but someone else in each mirror you looked in. 4 different people you couldn't quite place but that you knew were still you - yet not you, and they were following you. You couldn't fix your hair for the party 'cos you couldn't snap out of it and only thinking about seizures wasn't helping anything.
Talking to Vibe on the phone for a bit helped but you could still tell he was concerned so it wasn't totally off your mind. you still felt 'wrong' : like you weren't in the right time, the right place.

That's the longest its ever lasted right?, a good.... well bad, 20 minutes with irregular flashes periodically through the night. It must have been scary seeing yourself in the reflection and not knowing if its really you, moving 'cos you know that the thought of it not being you is crazy and then trying to snap out of it but not managing to.

It must be even weirder wondering why you're aware, yet not aware and wondering what the right course of action would have been, For yourself, the youths, the workers ... for everyone.
You're not schizophrenic, hell, you wouldn't know you were if you were anyway.
You're reflection was moving with you but at least for that short time, your reflection wasn't your own......'

flatmate wanted

2008-02-27T13:57:00.000-08:00

apply within for more details......

I'm a Scots man...

2008-02-25T14:04:00.000-08:00

read me for insight:

The Rule's Of The Sign's

2008-02-23T05:54:00.000-08:00

ok, there's no strict rules, and this is much easier in person, and im more excitable and want to tell people more when im in person but following the signs in general is cool but on a night out.... its awesome...... you just have to be up for it, in the right state of mind.

ok, simple example. you friends doing something stupid - you say 'i have a bad feeling', you both leave suddenly a police patrol car goes past. now if you hadnt left you both woulda been caught.

another way of working it is that you just get a feeling around say.... a certain brand of beer, you keep that in your head and later on if that beer sticks out at you in another situation you follow it. if its in a strange place, if someone is holding it, if its the last one in a fridge, if its on offer in a shop.... this will lead you to something else..... now it depends what you've picked up on what you follow here, the more you follow, the more you have to be willing to wait for the next sign, look around for it or open your mind for the options.

prime example:

i was in a bar with a friend and he had a beer, i had a vodka. while i waited for him to finish his beer i tore up a flyer. we looked for a sign but nothing stuck out so we moved up a floor in the club. upstairs there was an empty table with the same empty bottle he had just drank and a torn up flyer, just like i had torn up. we went to it and looked around. My sign following friend found someone at the bar he knew but wasnt drawn to it strongly enough but we saw a tv screen showing a music video from the 80's.

a crown started spinning then a man climbed in a box, my friend said 'so we have to climb in a box?' i replied 'or we have to think outside the box?' - the man jumped back out the box..... stairs appeared on the tv screen. we went upstairs. we tried to find the crowns significance. i told Frase to reach in his pocked, he pulled out 50p, he turned it over, i asked what the queen wears on her head - a crown - we were on the pool table level. we played pool as 50p was the exact amount required.

banter was had and the night was tied up nicely by us actually stealing a sign..... we followed the signs to steal a sign.

you just use a link, and link it to something else. if its an offer, a name an object, where have you seen it? where will you see it? whats its relevance? this is a banterous game even if people sigh at first. fun for all the ...... well not family, but friends anyway.

pass on the legend

sincerely,

Dave

quote of the day.

'a good friends will bail you out of jail, a great friend will turn to you in the cell and realise you're both in deep shit!'

Dave 2.0

2008-02-23T05:23:00.000-08:00

i finally feel ...... real.

ok, I'm guessing you need a little more explanation? i feel like i matter. i done a presentation on bullying the other day and it went well. i feel like i could do this this thing more than ever, sure the person in charge butted in half way through and i think i showed my anger, the kids seemed a bit bored but they enjoyed the session. They just said they'd heard it before.

the kids were even on my side and asked why the person in charge was butting in over me. its little things like that that make it worth while for me. i also managed to keep their concentration with some of my own activities while there was a rangers game on and got complimented by 2 other youth workers. its good to know I'm on the right track. I'm not a pro, but I'm doin ok for a start.

i feel like a change too....... for those of you who havent seen me in a while, my hairs a bit longer, nothing drastic. but it hasnt been cut since december. and i feel like a bit of an image shift. not completely. but i figured i'd never grown my hair so until it annoys me, thats what im gonna do. when it annoys me, its gonna get cut. if it doesnt, ill grow it to a length i like. why not?!?
i also havent shaved in like 5 days, and my facial hair moulds into a goatee shape all on its own, its weird like that.... so guess what im trying out?? again, until it annoys me.... it could be today, a week...a month? and for my 'well done on passing your dissertation Dave' present i bought a sweet brown leather jacket.

im lookin pretty pimpin' if i do say so myself...... and i do, although my brother in law is worried ill look like i should be on some list and kept away from kids rather than working with kids..... that aside, i dont think ill be changing, i wont be growing up just yet, im still as immature and willing to participate in as many drunken parties as ever but whenever money allows me, i shall exchange a shabby old t-shirt for somethin a little cooler...... probably from Primark.

ok, now i sound like a twat, so lets summarise: feel good and realise ill be entering workforce soon, dont wanna do that all shabby like (aka me now), fancy a change so decided to grow hair till it pisses me off (possibly any day now), and my new jacket rocks!!

p.s. i can almost stroak my facial hair as if I'm in deep thought about something ..... soon.........sooooooooon......

reflections

2008-02-16T07:53:00.000-08:00

i have reflected upon my work practice at placement now for 4 weeks. for example, this week i reflected on how i finally feel more like a team member and a youth worker than just another youth sitting at the side and how i feel like im doing a lot of work and progressing with it. i also however reflected on how much fun a 47 hour week unpaid can be.

not everyone would want to work with kids, most people i know hate them, even though their reasons for hating them are probably because they see a little of theselves a few years previously insde the youths. but i do, i dont know why but its great fun, challenging, scary, fun - i get to play games sometimes and get paid. its like bein a id forever, but not in a creepy michael jackson way......

as well as placement reflection i realised that i passed all my essays bar the easiest one there was this year. sure i may have only got an E for one about wind turbines but a C for youth work and a C for my dissertation and im happy. all i gotta do is complete my resist and placement and technically im ready for graduation. the question then i pose is what to do now?

work? volunteer? sleep? travel? eat? move home? stay in glasow? start up my own show where i go undercover and cause all kinds of mischief? - what to do, what to do?

im not the best in my year, im not saying i am - but im not bad at what i do, and i like it. so i could do something with it. i just need to decide when..... before all the jobs dissapear.....

the three P's

2008-01-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

Pub

jane just called me, she was drunk, at least she said she was.... and when i asked who she was talking to (knowing it was a friend i may add) she felt the need to point out that she was with friends and not drinking alone....... as we all know, when jane drinks alone she doenst spend money doing it in a piub anyways, she just stays at home with the good ole vodka and coke, why go to a pub for that!......

i am of course kiddin, amen't i? ok, before she hits me...... i am, but i also have to point out that when i told her i her i was in the library she asked if she woke me, i guess this could be blamed on my strangely quiet voice i was using however, i just like to think shes drunk tho, and apparently going to the opera (i think she said theatre but opera is funnier).

i havent seen jane in what seems like ages but to tell you the truth i havent seen anybody really, my work is consuming me .... wait....... *thinks for a minute* no, my work has been piling up, ive been distracting myself and ive had no time. thats more accurate and my new timetable for placement aint much better.

Placement

dont get me wrong, im enthusiastic, but its gonna be hard work!! my timetables gettin a bit packed, they're expecting proffessional work outta me and to meet deadlines - not to mention a minimum of 2 evening sessions with a basic 35-40 hour week unpaid.

but i gotta say, 2 days in i feel good about it. my placement supervisor especially and another guy have been especially supportive, ive told them how i work best and told them about the 'whole epilepsy thing' and they're really cool, not that people shouldnt be but you'd be surprised how some people can react. im gettin to take charge in certain sessions and get fully involved in everything i do..... bar the fact that a couple of people seem to hate me its pretty sweet! but hey, whats a bit of hate in an office dedicated to working together to help the youths of today??

Pretentious

anyways, if my good looks dont win them over my winning smile is sure to.... and if that fails ill just work really hard or something like that.....

anyways..... off to work for Dave....

dear diary

2008-01-20T06:34:00.000-08:00

sorry for the vast amount of pictures recently folks, just thought it was a cool way to remember some good times from home and pass some time. again, books are open and no work is done so in a minute ill get round to it but ill type for a few minutes first i think.

ive realised of late how much of a diary this thing is for me, an open diary granted, im not sharing vital information either but im not exactly showing an interesting read like some others ive looked at. im a bit repetitive, i guess i just repeat things..... repeating things is just what i do best i suppose ..... (ok baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad joke! bad dave... bad!)

i rekon its cs im doin the same things, library, distraction, work, convince myself ive done more than i have, same struggle again the next day. it all comes down to a first time pass this year too cos if i dont i dont get to do the whole 'look at me, im graduating in a gown' thing. if i pass second time im cool but i gotta just get my certificate through the post and skip graduation. how pants is that? ive worked... and when i say worked, i mean been at uni...... 3 years all for a hope that i might pass first time and its not that likely to be honest. if i do though, im gonna stand out from the crowd.

*whats that you say? i already do?* well thank, but i mean REALLY stand out, that gown of mine is gonna have a superman logo sewn on the back. sure, some people wont find it funny, my parents will probably kill me, but think of the photos!! i could go extreme and go batman style but i dot fancy wearing the mask on my face too, without the hat thing id be there in a second but i thin just the superman symbol will suffice. ...... ah, they'll be so glad to get rid of me.

its amazing what comes o you when you just type sometimes isnt it?

its just worrying that thats what came to me... most people would continue a story about their fears, and sure, they're way up there, ive got loads. i do want the whole gown thing as trivial as it is cos i remember my sister graduating and posing in er gown for a photo for a laugh.... but instead i pretend ill go as superman.........

i need a drink

you guys rock!!

2008-01-20T06:14:00.000-08:00

WHAT COMES BEFORE PART B??

PART A!!

my frustration

2008-01-19T06:26:00.000-08:00

im all organised... at least thats how it looks to the untrained eye. im god at manipulating people in that sense. if you didnt know any better id seem like a guy abiut to get on with a shit load of work .... pardon my french (although shit in french is mered, or merde - either way it should be pardon my cursing, not pardon my french).

anyways, ive got books out, ive sorted them into categories, ive got a mocha (of course), bottle of water, pad and pen the question and a photo copy i can make notes on, im infron of my laptop aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i just spent the last hour online. in fairness it was semi productive, part of it was trying to find my gf a valentines day present, part of it was sending an email to someone at epilepsy scotland following up an interview the other day.... some of it was just plain bumming around. and here i am now. looking at all my organisation and realisin how frustrating it is to know that ten minutes is all it would really take to get into my work and feel good about a start to something due in next week and im so annoyed at myself that i cant do it.

yes, i am indeed one of these people who will spend more time making up a time table than following it and more time chosing books that getting them out cos when i have them out i take quotes from them and complain about how they dont count towards my word count.

but when life gets you down i just remember the life and times of jd and his vivid imagination..... pictures ike this make me smile......

when 99 red balloons go pop!

me first

2008-01-14T09:32:00.000-08:00

my hands are above the keys for a minute before i start to type. i need a break and figure ill write something natural but then i think to myself 'is it natural if i have to think about it?'. i pause.

i start to type before i know whats coming out and the words start to flow, my arm twinges a little as ive had to take the sling off in order to be able to type at all.... it hurts but it had to be done. i pull the keyboard a little closer to save any further pain. i sip at my mocha, its mildly warm now but i still like it, its keeping me alert and alert is what i need to be, the work load is vast and the metaphorical weight on my shoulders is even heavier. the mocha keeps me standing and keeps me going.

i look around and wonder what everyone else is doing, emails? work? random internet sites their friends told them to check out, leaving comments to their friends in the hope that they'll get a reply before they have to get back to something productive? all things ive tried so i dont see why other people wouldnt be doing it.

i reach for my phone to check the time but then think its better to not know, better to just work and see how much i get done in the time i have, maye ill work faster that way i kid myself.

i have 2 watches at home and wear neither as i have y phone, when my friends battery died the other day he had no control over time unless someone kept him updated, maybe i should wear a watch i think..... i havent wore one in years but i could probably pull it off, besides - image is what you make it. you dont have to worry about what other people think of you in something, if you think it looks good, it looks good. as long as it isnt a 'salmon' shirt - its not salmon, its pink. trust me, its just another word for pink. it doesnt show your feminine side, you just look daft!

my soulder twinges again as i check a message and someones phone ironically sings 'please dont stop the music' as they hurridly stop the music in embaressment.

i like that note to end on.

my rant

2008-01-14T05:28:00.000-08:00

so im still working on my dissertation, ive gotta send another 2 essays in and finish a youth work essay too...... all by friday. the girl behind me just said 'its all very organised'. just what im not. bugger. this blog will be random, its my quick escape from reality, where ill speak about reality but you know what i mean. i just need a break from work.

there were no tables upstairs so im downstairs at the library, my laptop is on my lap, for lie the frirst time ever, weird how they call them that but no one ever really has thm on their laps isnt it?

my arm hurts, it should be in the sling but then i cant type. then im screwed, im impressed tho cos its half one nd ive got the whole day ahead of me still to work. lots to do but loadsof time to do it.

speaking of listening to other people's conversations.... im not meaning to but its funny what you pick up when they dont think your listening, ve heard talk about work, exams, where classes are, std's...... you know - the usual. kinda off putting. i'd put on my headphones if this wasnt so damn entertaining, and they cud be reading this blog right now but you know what, then all id have to say is that they're just as nosy as i am, and id get n at them for banging my chair. stupid girls with their chatting and moving. think their so cool..... but their not. oh yeah, and you know when your ttypin and u assume you know whats goin on from the corner of your eye but you dont really wanna stare. the black guy next to me turned out to be an old white guy...... he's either some kinda morphing guy, he moved and another dude sat down or i need more mocha!!

so, anyone wanna write about critical pedagogy for me? anyone? anyone at all? nope....

well ill go then, someones gotta do it.

one armed me

2007-12-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

you might say sometimes writing blogs is hard - you cant think what to type, you lose your trail of thought, you get your arm bone broken in half before bent backwards and screwed in a new place and get stitched back up leaving you in a sling..... mines recently has been the last reason. it hurts like a .... well a whole new kinda pain. its like Santa Claus got kicked in his jingle bells or Christmas baubles whichever sounds most fitting to the crude joke. it just bloody well hurts.

the doc says it went accordin to the text book tho (its now impossible ti imagine the op without him asking for the next instruction from 'do it yourself shoulder operations level 2'). oh and i had a creepy ward mate who was, to be blunt, dilusional. if i wasnt taking pain killers to sleep and avoid pain i would've been to avoid him!!

Ive been out about a week now and the big 22 is coming. no, not a bus. my birthday. and its not that big, but its there, making me older than my fellow..... fellows once again. not more mature. god no! i hope. but older to be sure. and with no plans for new year i really gotta sort somethin soon cos i cannot stay in with my mum and dad.....ill just flat out cry!!

anyways, apologies for the absence readers..... all 4 of u if im lucky, this includes myself. and also for the lack of communication recently and lastly for such a damn depressing blog!!

happy note to end on: i watched 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' last night. its now in my top 5 films. i highly reccommend it to anybody!

yeah, you really got me now... you got me so i dont know what im doin....

2007-12-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

stress that is. up till today i was doin ok, i know ive been focusing on my operation a lot but i still felt pretty in control of my life and the stress. today however i couldn't type a thing work-wise. i could read and high light.... do things that didnt involve progression in my actual essay but whenever i tried to really focus i couldnt. i found myself thinking not really about the operation itself but the aftermath. how im gonna do certain things, dress, eat, reach, brush my teeth, shave. theres people out there with arms missing so i gotta be able to work it out for a few months!

i brightened up the day for a few moments by texting vibe. he replied saying i had the text of the week.... it took my mind off the problems off the arm for a bit but then reality kicked in again and i realised i was actually shaking with ..... fright? dread? fear of the unknown? as time is drawing closer im obviously just getting a lot less comfortable with the fact that im gonna be the one armed man for a while and that combined with the mass amount of pills i take already (in regards to epilepsy) and any other pain killers i may be on i quite possibly will shake with every step i take..... squeaky shoes aint got nothin on me!!

so lets put a good turn on this blog... things could be worse... at least you flat mate didnt just say the words

'90% profit sex-ual!' ...... god that freaked me out.....

to clarify he got a hat for a quid and hes selling it for a tenner... but still, i didnt need to hear him say that sentence *shudders*

what the fudge is epistemology??

2007-11-27T13:17:00.000-08:00

anyone? anyone at all? im not fussy.... ill take any suggestions. ok, things are ok right now but my tutor for my dissertation is asking me to bring in a couple of ideas for a meeting this thursday so im not going in blind.... i think the idea being that we have something to base the meeting on and then i can progress faster and feel more comfortable doing my dissertation after hes spoken to me.

hes asked what my stance is in regards to epistemology tho and upon reading up on this again all i seem to be finding is that its the difference between facts and truths..... if i read a bit more on this im sure ill be dandy but the question is 'what the hell has this got to do with my course and how im gonna set out my dissertation?' man, im stuck as a ...... stuck guy in a stuck place?

i thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink i may have some notes back home. i hope to jebus i have cos im screwed otherwise. screwed with a capital 'S' and a silent 'L' ... the silent 'L' is just for fun, you can chose where to put it. but seriously, work sucks. muchos. i did get extentions tho, and exceptions made which was nice so i cant be mad at the uni really, they are being really good, its just a lot of work to fit into a small time i rekon.

all ive been writing about recently is work isnt it...... that'll be why i stressed to the point of a minor seizure tonight i think.... thats it. stress. it was my last one too, ive decided. no more seizures for Dave. sure, ill still support epilepsy scotland - hell, maybe one day ill work for them but a year from now ill be seizure free with 2 functioning arms and getting ready to start driving lessons.......... works in theory huh?

ill leave you all on the note that cap'n rob just texted me

'sel la vee'

things that make me smile

2007-11-27T06:07:00.000-08:00

the fact that some gilr went to sit at my table till she realised that i was sitting at it

nights out with firnds

sleeping

mocca

watching movies

spending time with my family (not toomuch mind)

being asked to be a godfather

music

watching certain tv shows - prison break, 24, smallville, heroes and the like

hanging out with colleen (note: i wrote hanging out, not sometihng like 'spending time with my smoochikins who i miss eternally when i dont see her, shes my baby' ... i love her, but that soppy stuff has a limit hands up who agree? ...... thats what i thought!

playing with my dog

buying presents for christmas (if i can think of the right thing)

completing something ive worked hard at

standing up for myself

knowing that even though i dont see people that they havent forotten about me

making people laugh

laughing with people

laughing so much i cry

gas and air .... that stuff is the shit by the way!!

fixing something thats broken

proving people wrong .... maybe i do that a bit much

dancing, it doesnt matter if its in tune

saying sorry when i know im wrong rather than being stuborn.... ok i dont smile immediately but i do eventually

sandwiches

texting people

knowing that im liked

knowing that im loved

knowing that someone read this.....

iFraud

2007-11-25T09:15:00.000-08:00

GORDON

ALEX

FRASER

RUTH

MEGAN

RACHEL

LAURA

SUZI

STEVE

ROZ

LOU

JAK

HENRY

CHRIS

ADRI

DAVID

welcome to iFraud. created in first year uni, here are the ones i think are worth puttin up for everyone to see. yes, i had that much time to spare back then.... those were the days!!

enjoy

the mocha, the blog and the essay

2007-11-25T07:28:00.000-08:00

i doubt this blog will be long but i wanted to write one quickly in true 'settling in to studying' style. ive got loads to do recently - but thats good, thats really good. it means i can keep myself occupied, idle hands and all that. as long as my minds occupied im not thinking about my arm, its at the back of my mind as everything is revolving around it, work, social life etc but it means im studying and keeping busy for now. hell, on the morning i go in im going to go to class to keep myself occupied.... is that commitment or just weird? you decide....

right now im gonna go over work for an essay, ive got a meeting for extentions on tuesay but if i can prove that im committed to the course and ive made a good start by the time i meet my tutor hopefully she'll be happy to help me out. im not a total slacker afterall.... slacker? yes. but not TOTAL slacker. ah, suddenly im reminded of back to the future and how the principal always called marty mcfly a slacker.... wasnt marty so cool? i actually got a skateboard as a kid just so i cold pretend to be him you know, i'd stand infront of the tv and pretend to be skating along like the pro mcfly was ..... (note to self: try not to go off on tangents ever again if this is how they are going to go)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways, so new year should be fun..... as long as someones havin a house party, i love my parents to bits but think im at the age now where wanna hang with my mates at new year and with a tender shoulder a club prob isnt my best bet... pub might not be so bad but im not gonna have a night in edinburgh's street party this year unfortunately i dont think. man, i hope someones havin a house party so i can see everyone again and celebrate the new year in a druken, yet careful fashion :P

well kids and kiddettes i guess i should sign out and do some work...

th - th - th - th - th - th - th - th - th - hats all folks

p.s. just cos im listenin to rihanna doesnt make me gay, i dont care what you say!

like a band aid...

2007-11-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

Unlike the title, my wait wasn’t quick. it was 3 hours of going back and forth to get different tests done, x rays, measurements, questions asked and seeing my doctor. All in the name of a pre-operative assessment apparently.

so I sit there and i'm asking the questions that vie mentally scribbled into my brain, losing one or two as I get answers i’m not sure I expected until finally I ask when we're going ahead with this thing.

A week on Wednesday he says. I shook a little at the thought of it approaching so soon. after I got told the risks - half a percentage of infection, a very slim percentage of the operation not working etc etc - I signed my soul away and was comforted by the fact that he admitted that although being a highly admired doctor in his field, he has never done this particular operation before.... which doesn’t really explain why he told me he'd done it 2 or 3 times last time we spoke. the crowd of eager nurses and students around me listening to how they're going to saw some bone, bend it and screw it in place somewhere else also made me slightly uneasy if i’m honest but according to my mum 'it'll help them all learn so the operation can be done on other people'..... I wonder if she realises that that’s all well and good but right now i’m worried about me.

So here I am, with a little under 2 weeks to get my university career, housing benefits, life, and room in order..... It’s a tough job but if I don’t do it now then ill be screwed later!!

Afterthought: at least I got a shiny new phone on an upgrade today, I guess things aint so bad!

a title & a blog in 1: i want to blog, i wrote a blog. it just wont let me post it so here i am, writing in the title. i wonder how much i can wri

2007-11-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

my best friend

2007-11-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

me and my best friend have a very strange relationship...... im gonna need to give him a name fr this blog, lets go with 'vibe' ... i dont know why, i just either get good or bad vibes when im around him i guess.

anyways, i met vibe when i was around 15, a critical period in any persons life i guess, kind of time when most people are out meeting girls, drinking, and generally thinking they couldn't be cooler. how did we think we couldnt be cooler i hear you ask? by collecting and playing with Pokemon cards!! thats right, im not denying it. im not embarrassed now even at the ripe old age of (almost) 22. i may not be so into Pokemon cards as i was but back then it was the bees knees as far as i was concerned. not that bees have knees... i dont think, bit thats besides the point. the point it we were sad.

we went thru a bit of a rough patch as mates which ill skim along by saying i was a dick, i accept full responsibility and ill follow it up with a shiver up my spine for the memory of what once was.

moving on though, vibe has moved around a lot but i probably keep in touch with him more than i do most people which i think shows a lot, even though i know he is a complete twat, i do trust him and even when im really angry at him i know we're still mates. i thin our last conversation ended something like...

vibe 'shit, did i call you?'
me 'yeah, why?'
vibe ' the phone woman told me ive only a minute of credit left, what the fuck am i wasting it on you for?!?'
me 'fine, f**k off then'
vibe ' i will - twat'
me ' w****r'

...

vibe 'yeah, i really better go now, peace'

end call

i cat tell you how many text messages ive sent this guy spur of the moment that most people would frown upon that for some reason he laughs at ... and apparently so do a room full of his friends at times. he sends me strange ones too to compensate tho - and when colleen said she didnt get our humour and he said to say its a gay thing she got it even less....

dont worry, its not a gay thing - just to clarify. more of a had to be there, or a had to have a twisted sense of humor thing. i dunno what it is but we've been mates for quite a while now and although whilst watching you, me and dupree recently i realised he was my dupree and independently of each other ive said to someone that hes my bad conscience and hes said that im his good conscience - something seems to work....

hopefully we'll stay mates for years to come, you always see these cheesy films about lifelong mates and i dont know how many ill have but as much as it may ruin my life or get me in trouble (did i mention we got each other excluded??) i hope he sticks around for a while....

p.s. all he will comment on this is that this whole blog sounds homosexual .... just so you all know

yesterday

2007-11-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

i wrote a really long, rather amusing post yesterday and cliked 'publish'. it dissapeared i hate when that happens. lets whizz thru what happened again at super bullet point speed....

last minute decision, lewis et dave go to union
lewis and dave meet many people including cap'n bob
rob calls dave adam
dave gets angry
finally rob gets dves name right
we stand shouting dave! at random people for a bit
we catch up in a banterous fashion
lewis and dave go to mcdonalds, its not so good
i go home and lose blog

....and rest.

the union

2007-11-13T17:16:00.000-08:00

Canada

2007-11-11T08:41:00.000-08:00

its funny, he gets called Canada, its not his name but its what i call him. i barely remember his real name half the time to be honest.... i dont even know his last name. it also worries me that by calling him this it sort of makes him a representative for the country, i really need to find a new Canadian person to represent their country cos its a nice place really.... its just that this one person in particular just drives me crazy.

lets list a couple of reasons why here: compulsive liars dont really scream 'be my friend' to me, he twists everything he's ever done or said, our door is mis-shaped due to the constant 'knock ... knock ... knock' followed by kicking when we dont answer. sometimes we're not in, sometimes i dont answer. you wanna know why? cos he only talks about himself! if a story's started hes got a better one. if you were cold today he lost an arm due to frost bite, if a girl bumped into him he thinks he got laid, if a guy asks for a light he thinks he got mugged....

seriously i know he's still a kid when it comes down to it but hes a chameleon, a new face for a new person and that isn't a genuine person. a tutor told us recently that if we arent different around people we're tossers. this shocked me but he followed it up with that fact that we cant act the same to our other half's as we do to our kids as we do to our grand parents. this is fair enough. but to each person of a similar age, this dude needs to get a grip.

now im not gonna go all southpark on you and sing 'blame Canada here' Canada was awesome when i visited it but as for a representative..... we definitely need a new one for Glasgow..

the weekend in fast mode

2007-11-11T07:29:00.000-08:00

colleen arrives in a tad drunk and with a knock to the head, feeling a bit worse for wear and ill - this continues onto next morning
the next morning, colleen feels worse and is ill more so unfortunatey i have to cancell on my day out with jane to look after her, i feel terrible for cancelling on jane but at the same time wouldnt want colleen to be in on her own while she felt bad
saturday i spent with colleen helping her headache etc and had a blkoody early night for a saturday - no drinking for dave afterall!
sunday i slept in a bit and then went to the library where i am now
dave decides he needs help as he's in the library too much

The One Without A Title

2007-11-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

I think by this time i know what im going t type about. or at least a vague idea so that i can start typing and then start to go off on a tangent.. today however im just typing. its a weird thing typing isnt it. you dont realise how good at it you are until you realise your not really looking at the keyboard all that much. i bet about now your gonna start lookin at the keyboard like i am and realise that you did know where certain letters were after all, or if not now - next time you write a comment on a web site or an email. its just amazing how although i only use about 3 fingers to type im actually pretty fast at it. accurate? now thats another story, but thats where spell check comes in.... when i can be bothered to use it.

i hate to say it but christmas isnt far away, i always say 'no bonfire night talk till halloween is over, no christmas talk till bonfire talk is over' but they are both over so christmas is indeed the next 'celebratory' event. not everybody loves or even likes christmas, i myself have to go by bath toys and a doll for my niece's today which i dont grudge at all. i just worry i wont get them the perfect ones to be hones. how else will i keep up the rep of 'Cool Uncle Dave' if i dont get them the right things?

last year i think i got the family the perfect presents. didnt cost much as sentimental value was classic. got them a print out of the front page of the paper from the day they were each born. it wasnt perfect quality with some being 52 years old but they appreciated it all the same and its the presents you know people will treasure and not just store away that make me happy christmas has come again. The fact that im gonna be 22 this christmas makes me realise that its all about the kids now, im fine with nothing to be honest, if mum and dad want to give me an i.o.u for something ill NEED in the future months then that would suit e better to be honest becuase the question 'what do you want this year Dave?' always gets a response of '........world peace?'

so it seems i got talking about christmas boys and cirls, which surprises me since im supposed to be writing an essay on my personal deveoment over the course of my years at university and these 2 topics only link because ....... ok so they dont link..... how the hell did i get onto Christmas?? so if you wanna get me anythin for ny birthday buy me a drink and as much as i love my friends, im terrible with birthdays so ive probably missed yours so we'd be calling it quits there - or just buying eachother a drink over christmas to make it square.

and Santa, if you're reading this ....... i think dad used to get to the cookies before you .... sorry about that!

Friends

2007-11-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

My friends mean the world to me. thats the cheesiest thing to say ever but its true. without them i'd have no one to accept my immaturity, to laugh at my stupid jokes, to wonder what my next stupid themed party would be (ok.... ill cut back on them now guys) and to just take me for me. All i would have is a bunch of strangers scoffing at me for being an outsider and not conforming to the ways they expect me to be and not being a typical student...

Over the last few months I've drifted away from you all and i hate that. this isnt a piece of writing to make anyone feel guilty, its a piece of writing to reminding you all that when we do see each other i hope we will still laugh at the same jokes, we will have new experiences to grow upon and remember and we can still take the joke emo photos im oh-so-prone to taking.

I dont expect us all to keep in touch every day, thats not realistic for the closest of friends never mind people who have just gone to uni (David), people now in 3rd year and with jobs (Jen) or people who are to busy just with course work other commitments (Steve) but i just want you all to know that I'm thinkin about you guys all the time and as long as my course work isnt insisting it takes my main priority i do have that free bus pass if a day trip is on offer :P

Ive looked over photos from patry's recently too and forgotten the last time i had so much fun at a house party. I miss the days of the Suzi, Fraze, Roz, Sara or Dave house Parties ... bar being chased with porcelain dolls of course ... that went a bit far, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut ill forgive those concerned cos i love you all really.

Anyways, for those of you who dont have this address (most of you) im about to email it to you, you dont have to read anything else. just this. and remember that wherever we are, edinburgh, fife, glasgow, new zeland - we were all great friends once - people change and people gain new friends and have new experiences (both good and bad) but those who want to keep in touch can and will so i just thought i'd send this out o remind us all of that.

speak to you when i speak to you,

Dave .... or was that Special Dave?!? :P

My Addiction

2007-11-03T07:02:00.000-07:00

This title may look familiar to some of you ...... then again, maybe im just using a relevant title to describle what im about to talk about..... however maybe its both? for those of you confused right now (everyone but Jane right?) i have indeed stolen Janes blog title for the title for this one particular blog.

*stands up and looks around nervously* my name is Dave and im addicted to mocca......

its true. i have some kinda crazy routine going on here where i come to the library, i chill out for a bit before i study, enjoy my mocca and muck about on the laptop... all the while enjoying its chocaletey goodness, its caffeine high that makes you feel a little light headed - especially if you havent eaten all day, its a little like when you start getting tipsy, just without the alcohol. Thw only downside of this is that it gives colleen migranes. im scared ill have so much one day that it'll hapen to me too.... then what will i do, i need my mocca to get me thru the day, it keeps me working, gets me focussed. it tastes so good. it can be frozen or hot, it doesnt matter to me..... as long as its there.... mmmmmmmmmm mocca.

ok, now i sound like an addict. im not actually one of these guys who 'needs his morning fix' but it does go well together - you know, work on one side, mocca on the other. ok, now i sound like a social smoker .... 'i swear i only drink mocca when i work, it doesnt mean i REALLY drink mocca'.

end scene.

haiku

2007-11-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

music from one side.

he stares out the computer.

to blog or to work?

the writing's on the wall..

2007-11-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

the other day i went for dinner with my girlfriend. there was writing on the wall in the bathroom but not the usual 'jimmy woz 'ere 2003' that you'd expect, it was actually intentional ... and quite witty really. the kind of thing i, and i reccomend whoever reads this will all make use of when you're all a wee bit tipsy to sen to your friends who are good for a laugh .... or just to that person you've always wanted to tell this particular thing to but never have the guts to do it - after all, its just a quote, you wont have really said it.... Winston Churchil did.

'I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly'

....quality

2007-10-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

you had a great idea didn't you? - sure did!

you thought you could just pick it up easily, right? - that was the plan :D

then you ordered it online without double checking the delivery date and the postage and packaging price? - yeah ... there was that......

man, sometimes i wonder about you Dave.

preperation for the unprepared

2007-10-28T11:18:00.000-07:00

no one told me about this.... all of this. fending for myself, the work load, learning things the hard way... yes, there are good points but the unknown outweigh them in my book usually.... (its a big book).

today i spent 6 hours in a library...working. i know, i know. i wouldnt believe me either but its true. i dont quite know how it took me so long but it did and i woulda stayed longer had the library not been shutting.... thats what scares me. the preperation for a proposal is extreme. it goes in tomorrow however.. then id love to say i have a week of freedom but its not true, its a week of 'lets see what else is due in before christmas'.

i get all the fun... serously, by - the - bucket load!

im going through a bit of a paranoid stage right now.... not specifically this second.... well ok, yes - this second but i just mean recently. theres so many if's and but's in my life. 'what if i dont get my proposal accepted by my tutor?' 'but what if ive got my facts wrong?' 'what if i end up deserting my friends or they become a second priority?' ..... ok, so more if's than but's but you get the idea. but its gettin me nowhere. id love to say i need to chill out but im digging a hole and its gonna be pretty hard to scramble out, especially with one functioning arm at the end of the year....

you can prepare all you want but as far as im concerned, some things life throws at yoy you'll never be ready for..