Inderview de la Suzi

Here's my answers to questions Suzi gave me, and just so you know Suzi - Damn good questions, Ive really had to think about the answers!

Q1. for as long as Ive known you, you’ve wanted to work with children. what drives you to do that?

Simple. Its easy, fun and I think I'm good at it. Ive always felt that working with people was easy or if not easy it would be a learning experience that became rewarding and id get the rewarding experience out of it.

I really like working with different age groups and different groups in general because you either get a group of great kids or kids you have to work with to finish a project or help them develop. Ive done everything from jigsaws and building sandcastles to helping design and watch youths act out a play of what 'being a young person means to them'.

Long and short, I like being able to have fun and a laugh and since that ties in with helping people - all the better :)

Q2. for some unknown reason, you’re on death row. what would your final meal be?

Spaghetti bolognaise, no doubt. Its by far my favourite meal. It'd have enough spaghetti with plenty of mince and a nice bolognaise sauce with sweet red peppers chopped up in it topped off with melted mozzarella and maybe a pinch of salt.

Q3. you’ve got a year free and a budget of £3,000. what do you do with it?

Id divide the money up into a certain amount for the month each (£250) and buy myself something that i could use but also be left behind for someone - like games, maybe a cool suit, some films; that kind of thing. id use the excess to enjoy spending the time with friends and family - making more of an opportunity than i am just now to see people and hang out lot more and spend some money buying rounds or paying for foodstuffs cos id be able to afford it.

Any excess money from that month I'd either carry over or put into a bank account to be passed down to my nieces (and possibly nephews) - probably the bank account thing though.

Q4. which piece of art (visual, prose, poetry, music, film) resonates the most with you, and why?

I guess the book come film 'The Rules of Attraction' originally written by Bret Easton Ellis in 1987 and the movie was directed by Roger Avery in 2002. Its great as in both it portrays a story told from 3 different points of view, a gay guy, a drug dealer and a girl whos settling rather than waiting on her 'true love'. I guess it resonates with me as it is blunt. Its real, and it tells you how life is and how it will be.... with a bit of an exaduration to make it readable/watchable sure but the characters are awesome, some more appelable than others but they all remind you of someone you know at least in a small way and the book leaves you with some questions answered and more questions to ask yourself.

Why wasnt uni like that for me? Are people really that blunt?, How do I make myself more like that person/these people? How do i bring a bit of that into my life? wtf did that say in french?? It ended how now?

Amongst others. The book is based in the 80's when it was written and the movie is done with a modern twist but in no way lacks to the book. (for those of you who didnt notice itrs written byu the guy who wrote "American Psycho" and one of the characters in this, Sean - is Patricks Batemans brother).

The books great, the movie is awesome and they really make you think.... and about yourself and your situation, how everything and every decision has a consequence.

I Hope I Answered That Question Right....

Q5. if you had to do something today which scared you, what would you do. (and i mean scared, like out-of-your-comfort-zone scary. not necessarily adrenaline-high scary)

I guess it would be something Ive always wanted to do but never managed to or got around to yet,but to keep in line with your question, it wouldn't be something like bungee jumping or sky diving which i know would scare me but would still love to do. It would more be like something I'd never done but i knew had a lot of risks attached to it. Something with a thrill factor but maybe could get me in trouble or could pay off if i got away with it. (I hope this is making sense so far).

Well, now that Ive described the kind of thing id do, the reason id do it, maybe needing more of a risk factor/adrenaline involved i cant actually think of an answer of somthing id want to do that i havent done that fits into this category ....... Maybe I'd wait for someone to dare me to do someone to dare me to do someone i liked the sund of but didnt thikn i was confident enough to do. Then i'd realise that that was the exact thing i should go do.

behind the mirror

I wrote it the following at around one 'o'clock in the morning after taking a youth group away to do a piece of work, have a meal and go to a disco..... I wrote it as if i was talking to myself as it is describing a seizure and then an absence seizure and with absence seizures i kinda feel like I'm having an out of body experience, (like I'm watching what goes on or passing on instructions) so i thought writing it as if i was talking to myself worked in telling how it played out.

It'll probably still be confusing to people who don't know me, even more so if you don't understand epilepsy at all but ill read back through it at the end and sum it up if i need to. Feel free to ask if you've got any questions....

'Dear -Me,

You took a seizure before you left today but you didn't tell anyone. It wasn't big but it threw you off a bit - maybe that's why Joe thought you looked drunk later and you just said you were tired? -, but you got on with things, you pulled through. you kept it to yourself and you worked away.
Looking back that might not have been the best idea; did you forget or did you just not want to tell in fear of being disallowed on the trip? - well whatever the reason you royally fecked up later.

It was like the butterfly effect meets some kind of stalker film. the flash backs were to the day mainly i think, but some bits of general group work over the last couple of months, but they weren't memories.... the were different somehow. and every time you looked in a mirror it seemed wrong. it was the reflection, you saw someone else didn't you? but someone else in each mirror you looked in. 4 different people you couldn't quite place but that you knew were still you - yet not you, and they were following you. You couldn't fix your hair for the party 'cos you couldn't snap out of it and only thinking about seizures wasn't helping anything.
Talking to Vibe on the phone for a bit helped but you could still tell he was concerned so it wasn't totally off your mind. you still felt 'wrong' : like you weren't in the right time, the right place.

That's the longest its ever lasted right?, a good.... well bad, 20 minutes with irregular flashes periodically through the night. It must have been scary seeing yourself in the reflection and not knowing if its really you, moving 'cos you know that the thought of it not being you is crazy and then trying to snap out of it but not managing to.

It must be even weirder wondering why you're aware, yet not aware and wondering what the right course of action would have been, For yourself, the youths, the workers ... for everyone.
You're not schizophrenic, hell, you wouldn't know you were if you were anyway.
You're reflection was moving with you but at least for that short time, your reflection wasn't your own......'