one armed me

you might say sometimes writing blogs is hard - you cant think what to type, you lose your trail of thought, you get your arm bone broken in half before bent backwards and screwed in a new place and get stitched back up leaving you in a sling..... mines recently has been the last reason. it hurts like a .... well a whole new kinda pain. its like Santa Claus got kicked in his jingle bells or Christmas baubles whichever sounds most fitting to the crude joke. it just bloody well hurts.

the doc says it went accordin to the text book tho (its now impossible ti imagine the op without him asking for the next instruction from 'do it yourself shoulder operations level 2'). oh and i had a creepy ward mate who was, to be blunt, dilusional. if i wasnt taking pain killers to sleep and avoid pain i would've been to avoid him!!

Ive been out about a week now and the big 22 is coming. no, not a bus. my birthday. and its not that big, but its there, making me older than my fellow..... fellows once again. not more mature. god no! i hope. but older to be sure. and with no plans for new year i really gotta sort somethin soon cos i cannot stay in with my mum and dad.....ill just flat out cry!!

anyways, apologies for the absence readers..... all 4 of u if im lucky, this includes myself. and also for the lack of communication recently and lastly for such a damn depressing blog!!


happy note to end on: i watched 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' last night. its now in my top 5 films. i highly reccommend it to anybody!

yeah, you really got me now... you got me so i dont know what im doin....

stress that is. up till today i was doin ok, i know ive been focusing on my operation a lot but i still felt pretty in control of my life and the stress. today however i couldn't type a thing work-wise. i could read and high light.... do things that didnt involve progression in my actual essay but whenever i tried to really focus i couldnt. i found myself thinking not really about the operation itself but the aftermath. how im gonna do certain things, dress, eat, reach, brush my teeth, shave. theres people out there with arms missing so i gotta be able to work it out for a few months!

i brightened up the day for a few moments by texting vibe. he replied saying i had the text of the week.... it took my mind off the problems off the arm for a bit but then reality kicked in again and i realised i was actually shaking with ..... fright? dread? fear of the unknown? as time is drawing closer im obviously just getting a lot less comfortable with the fact that im gonna be the one armed man for a while and that combined with the mass amount of pills i take already (in regards to epilepsy) and any other pain killers i may be on i quite possibly will shake with every step i take..... squeaky shoes aint got nothin on me!!

so lets put a good turn on this blog... things could be worse... at least you flat mate didnt just say the words

'90% profit sex-ual!' ...... god that freaked me out.....

to clarify he got a hat for a quid and hes selling it for a tenner... but still, i didnt need to hear him say that sentence *shudders*