always thinking

the first thing i think about when i wake up, the constant reminder during the day.
i cant go out without remembering you, i wont be able to. you've cursed me in a sense. people say it's not so bad. its for the better really, ill get used to it. maybe i have. your one of the last things i think about at night too, even if I'm out with my friends i cant help but think about you just for a few seconds. I'll try not to let on, ill try to keep you a secret sometimes but i can tell people know I'm thinking of you at times.

your there, at the back of my mind, at the centre of everything. i carry you with me everywhere i go, ill never outrun you. wherever i am you'll be and i think you always will be. i guess i can live with that. if my definition on normal includes you in it then i guess you will be a part of my life. I don't have to tell everyone though, i think a lot of people might already know. they might have guessed if i haven't told them. sure, my close friends definitely know but they don't see you as different for it so don't worry and those who do - well they cant judge as I'm sure they have their faults. maybe they just don't understand what i feel......













so how many of you thought that was about a girl and not my medication i take twice a day?? ;)

words

Typing so fast im starting to wonder how much of my identity is left on my fingerprints.

The thoughts spill from my mind to the keypad in seconds but im not sure they all make it in time.

I've so much to write but i know that this isnt where my talent lies. I'm starting to wonder where it does, starting to wonder if my natural talent even exists anymore.

I need to find it again before its too late

The Guys Night In

*puts on some 'flight of the conchords' in the background to start this post*

So yeah, it was supposed to be a party. Not even supposed to be, but there was every intention of if being one, I invited enough people, there were a lot of delays in responses and i tried to work the date of the party around everyone else so i had high hopes of getting drunk with my friends but due to unforeseen circumstances it ended up being a guys night which to be honest ended up with hilarious consequences.... can i call them consequences in fact, i didn't do anything to make this happen, more like hilarious outcomes i guess... hell, it was a funny night.

So it started off with me Chris Frase and the new guy Bruce. so far what i knew of Bruce was that he was someone else in need of a drink. good enough for me, and he agreed to my 3 rules. 'What are your 3 rules Dave?' I hear you cry... well I'm glad you asked. 1. dont steal anything, 2. dont break anything and 3. dont puke if you can avoid it. - he agreed to all 3, as far as i was concerned, he was in for the drunken banter as much as anyone else.

Soon after euan called saying that his Sat Nav told him he was at my house.... silly sat nav, he was indeed at the right postcode, but still about a mile away. after about half an hour pof phone calls and driving we found Euan and safely got him to mine where the drinking finally began. music was put on, laughs were had (as was crisps and dip) youtube videos were watched (lips 2 da floor) and pendulum was put on while we played kings - note to all reading, never play the wikipedia rules for kings unless surrounded by hot girls!!!!! read them and you'll understand why! well, its a specific rule but still..... its one Ive never seen... and it never says when to stop this rule either which is what worries us, definitely not the rule for a lads nite!!

did you check?? i bet you did :p

so we all got pretty drunk and some absinthe was involved at some point when me and Frase remembered that we're goin to dress up as school kids for his bday in a few days, whats even funnier is that hes told others its a Mexican theme and others its a pirate theme..... this'll be one wicked party!! so we decided to get grass stains on our shirts by diving on the grass. im sure i thought i was cool and stuff at the time, but then the pain kicked in.... mostly when i winded myself.... or was it when we started tackling each other? well it couldn't have been as bad as when me and mark slapped each other for some unknown reason then Frase joined in..... Euan just stared blankly as we probably looked like the 3 stooges hitting each other. and it was all fun and games until a plant pot broke..... mums not to happy about that now, but i did re-plant it. what a clever little drunk boy i am :D

if only we'd stopped there, me and mark then thought that it'd be fun to start punching each other. we dont REALLY know why though. and we are both paying for it now. i think we must have presumed we were on jackass or something, but we didnt even record it to look back, we're actually just idiots... maybe next time we'll record it *sigh*

the highlight of my night has to be though discovering one thing about newcomer Bruce. no no, his last name is not Wayne, i was hoping for that too..... sadly i was wrong. it turns out that my ex from high school is his.... well his current i guess is the word. unfortunately me and my ex didnt leave things on the best of notes and i have this great ability to rip the piss outta her.... its just easy..... it probably makes me evil.... and it took all i had in me not to. this wasnt helped by the fact that Bruce was cool and that he kept saying how great high school ex was. as pointed out by a friend, people break up for reasons..... of all people, why tell me about her 'greatness'???

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......nd rest.....

and remember kids, The Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeff handshake will never go out of fashion......

Party de la Susie

Last night I had my second Susie house party experience. My first on was quite a while back where i made an impression as 'Dave The Legend' and as i was in a relationship at that time i got considerably drunk whilst watching a house full of people playing spin the bottle as i sat n the outside of the circle. We also played 'I Never' and the rest of the night .... well lets just say i dont really remember much of it!!

based on the last party however I'd define these social gatherings like a slightly more tame version of the promo for skins, the party you want to go to but dont want to throw and it was really easy for me to meet people too cos i only knew one person and i figured i was only there for a night. turns out it went pretty well though cos everyone i met last time actually seemed excited to see me this time.

With friendly hello's of 'Its Dave the Legend' and 'Hey, its that Dave Guy' I could see the night was going to be banterous to say the least. So Strongbow in one hand, drinking games on the go and drunken hilarity ensued. mostly in the form of trying to catch people out playing 'I Never', getting the gossip of who had kissed who and listening to music being played by a few people whos names kept escaping me - that aside, the music was good and entertaining and the company was good, not that i really remember what was being talked about overly.

More chat was had with the people i had met at the previous party about who certain people were and why one of them was following everyone about, Some said it was because she was young and impressionable - i found that the if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything phrase quite fitting to this moment. Eventually however sleep was had, i had even been given a bed (which felt abnormally small compared to my double) but a bed nonetheless.

and as had occurred in my last trip to Susie's it was a case of wake up, hug, thanks, chuck out.


Gotta love those parties!

end note: quotes of the evening included 'theres some cork in my wine' and 'this drinks so strong it'll put testicles on your chest'

has it come to this?

the answer?: YES

im so bored. im house/pet sitting just now and have had no human contact in almost a week. i also live in the country for those of you who didnt already know so the term 'cabin fever' is feeling quite literal. ive resorted to making up games or tasks to do to keep myself occupied over the minutes, hours and days. like ill see how slowly i can eat a sandwich, see what time i get hungry one day compared to the next, test how long till the dog wakes me, can i stay up for one more movie? will i get caught walking the dog in my dressing gown?
hell, ive even started reading a book!!

now to clear things up, i like my alone time, at my old flat i liked doing my own thing, catching up with my flatmate for a few hours then going back to work or watching a dvd or whatever. i like my own company too but i like the opportunity to be able to arrange things at a moments notice, to have things to look forward to on a certain day, to know friends weren't far away. right now however im stuck, no transport (no cheap transport anyways) and he most conversation ive had is on the phone to my best friend for a bit, my flatmate once and briefly on the phone to my neighbour looking for my mum. during these calls though i feel myself holding onto the conversation. desperate for socialisation. not because im lonely, just because of the comparison from silence to someone actually talking back.

the dogs shite for conversation too, and he doesnt do what hes told..... whats really worrying is that he barks when ANY car pulls up, its half eleven and im watching most haunted - yes i know, its crap and not scary but you try living in a secluded place thats haunted watching this show on your own!!

i can close the curtains at night and in the living room it makes it feel more 'homely' i guess. its really just cos i cant see out in case just in case a murderer was at the patio windows looking in. lets be honest though, im so bored right now id invite him in and make him something to eat. id probably counsel him a bit and find the root of his problem just for something to do.
when the police took him away at his own discretion as he gave a full confession id be sad as well. sure, id have saved a lot of people and got a confession out of him but now who would i talk to???

anyways, enough of that...... im going to leave you on a comedy quote that the woman from most haunted just said 'the producer and myself have been given the honour of going t it alone in studio 2' - idiot!

do you miss it?

in my experience you dont miss what you dont have. this can go for anything and everything else; money, girls, company, friends, education... the list is probably limitless. the reasoning? because why would you miss what you've never had? sure, you can be jealous of what other people have, maybe even have a longing for the perfect girl, a want for a night out and not worrying about watching every penny or a group of friends that will stay in touch forever just like inn the tv shows but life is different for everyone and your life wont revolve like a tv show or like your friends' and i dont think you should expect it to but as long as your asking yourself about these things that you dont have you also have to think 'do i really miss them?'

there is a possible loophole to this whole thing however, you could have had the group of friends, the cash, or whatever it is that you missed and then lost it. then theres the possibility of missing it or gaining something you've always wanted and taking advantage of something you've always wanted when you get it that you ruin having this new thing or you make yourself someone your not.

the best way to deal with this is to think about who you were before these things you longed for came into your life and if thats a person you liked dont let new encounters change you in a big way. experiences change people without a doubt, each one moulds you into the person you are and will be likely to change you or your perspective on life somehow but if you dont let it too much you'll still be the same person that others saw you as before.

Its Just A Phase

Hi, My Name's Dave But You Probably Already Know That Right?

How Long Have You Known Me Though? I Thought I'd Take Yourselves (And Me) A Trip Down Memory Lane By Uploading A Photo Of Myself From Different Time Periods From Over The Last Few Years.

maybe You've Known Me This whole Time, Maybe You've Known Me Longer, Maybe we Just Met..... Maybe I Don't Even Know You... I Just Wanted To See How Much I'd Changed, If At All Since I Started Uni (Thats When I Got This Laptop). Besides, Having Just Finished, It'll Give Me Something To Look Back At.



From 2004
T0 2005






To 2006











To 2007




To 2008

drink anyone?

the strangest thing is happening. im sitting in my house with my parents and we're all drinking!! the only reason they usually offer me alcohol is when we're celebrating and one of two things will usually happen. 1) ill politely decline and say ill drink another time - or 2) ill get down right steaming drunk.
Option 2 is normally picked when there is a lot of company and i can blend in and everyones friends can make my family calm down by saying things like 'hes fine, hes just enjoying himself, calm down' to which the situation will calm down, ill get more drunk and no one will be any the wiser. Besides, its not that often that i get drunk anyways and if i do i am sensible about it.

Tonight however mum and dad were having wine or champagne, I asked if i could have some before remembering the cider that was in the fridge. I perked up saying 'or i could have the cider. dad brought through a small glass and I thought he only expected me to have a small glass all together but when i said that now i'd have to refill he quite genuinely said he'd leave me the bottle. a rather big bottle at that.

This is very unlike my parents. Its like all these stories you hear of parents giving the first drink to their kids while they're in their parents' company. I dont know if this is a 'your still our baby - drink sensibly' thing or maybe a 'your a man now' thing. either way i dont know whether to be amused or uncomfortable. We're also watching the tennis however..... this is uncomfortable, ive decided that after snooker, its the most boring sport to watch ever!!




and an extra point: ive added someone new to my blogroll, feel free to check out his blog out from there im sure you'll find his many other blogs he has running for photography etc : )