behind the mirror

I wrote it the following at around one 'o'clock in the morning after taking a youth group away to do a piece of work, have a meal and go to a disco..... I wrote it as if i was talking to myself as it is describing a seizure and then an absence seizure and with absence seizures i kinda feel like I'm having an out of body experience, (like I'm watching what goes on or passing on instructions) so i thought writing it as if i was talking to myself worked in telling how it played out.

It'll probably still be confusing to people who don't know me, even more so if you don't understand epilepsy at all but ill read back through it at the end and sum it up if i need to. Feel free to ask if you've got any questions....

'Dear -Me,

You took a seizure before you left today but you didn't tell anyone. It wasn't big but it threw you off a bit - maybe that's why Joe thought you looked drunk later and you just said you were tired? -, but you got on with things, you pulled through. you kept it to yourself and you worked away.
Looking back that might not have been the best idea; did you forget or did you just not want to tell in fear of being disallowed on the trip? - well whatever the reason you royally fecked up later.

It was like the butterfly effect meets some kind of stalker film. the flash backs were to the day mainly i think, but some bits of general group work over the last couple of months, but they weren't memories.... the were different somehow. and every time you looked in a mirror it seemed wrong. it was the reflection, you saw someone else didn't you? but someone else in each mirror you looked in. 4 different people you couldn't quite place but that you knew were still you - yet not you, and they were following you. You couldn't fix your hair for the party 'cos you couldn't snap out of it and only thinking about seizures wasn't helping anything.
Talking to Vibe on the phone for a bit helped but you could still tell he was concerned so it wasn't totally off your mind. you still felt 'wrong' : like you weren't in the right time, the right place.

That's the longest its ever lasted right?, a good.... well bad, 20 minutes with irregular flashes periodically through the night. It must have been scary seeing yourself in the reflection and not knowing if its really you, moving 'cos you know that the thought of it not being you is crazy and then trying to snap out of it but not managing to.

It must be even weirder wondering why you're aware, yet not aware and wondering what the right course of action would have been, For yourself, the youths, the workers ... for everyone.
You're not schizophrenic, hell, you wouldn't know you were if you were anyway.
You're reflection was moving with you but at least for that short time, your reflection wasn't your own......'