trying to bring you sumer, but im winter...

i just deleted a whole blog as it was going nowhere. it was just words. not words like 'cake banana policeman jelly irn bru gala casino beer fruit cup' - thats just daft, more like a ramble, kinda like this is turning out to be. but lets not start this again.

you ever wanted something so bad and hoped so much for it? you've promised yourself you wouldnt get your hopes up about it but then you cant help it, you do.... then what your looking at seems to slip away bit by bit? thats happening to me right now.
im due a backdated benefit, quite a large one, ive gave them every piece of information they've wanted, i've waited for days, weeks, months and now - years. and still no result. the fact is that i'm due about ..... well lets say its enough. but its gotten so bad that now i have to go to my MP and get him to help fight my case. and i need him to do it asap.

i've started to think what i could do with this money and my hopes are getting lifted and i'm just waiting for them to get smashed again in a few weeks, and it isnt gonna feel good. i got told by someone that things seem to be working out for me recently... and they did, but thats when i was hopeful. this money could be my chance to basically settle my student loan debts and never have to worry about them, to set aside money for rent on a flat next year, to maybe even pay for a couple of nice things for myself....

i can look at it in the respect that im not any worse off than when i started, cos im not. i never had the money, so i never lost it really. but the money was due to me through a benefit scheme and they've just avoided giving it to me at all costs.

i usually say to be pessimistic, that way things turn out better than you expect, but to be honest if your always pessimistic your worlds gonna be shit no matter what. i guess with this one im gonna have to live in optimism and put up with the dissapointment if things go that way.