one bag, 2 bag, 3 bags full..

sometimes i find i pack too much for a night, sometimes i pack really light for 2 weeks. im going for 2 months now and im finding clothes and shoes as i tidy up that i forgot existed. seriosusly, how many shoes, jackets, jeans, hoodies, long sleeved tshirts, pjs, boxers, socks...... well you get the idea.... how many of each of them do i take for 2 months?

then theres the fact im taking a helluva lot of medicine in 2 bags to be safe, then all my chargers, my laptop, external hard drive.... jesus. ive never found packing so hard or stressful and ive not actually started yet.

if anyone can actually offer sensible ideas her im willing to listen cos im a bit stuck.


i am planning ahead this time though unlike on most bus journeys of late, ive got my pads of paper so i can write stories, doodle and write mindless thoughts.... a bit like this one. so at least ill keep myself occupied for the most part i hope.

well, i guess i better sleep.... more mindless new zealand thoughts tmrw no doubt

on one hand its funny..

.. one the other i could get arrested....

If I get bored on one of my planes to New Zealand should i randomly shout some reference to the film 'snakes on a plane' - clearly one of samual l jackson's greatest acting roles.

it could be something like 'holy crap, theres snakes on this plane!!', i could turn to the person next to me and say 'you know that film snakes on a plane? imagine if that happened here!!' or i could just stand up when everyones sleeping and shout 'am i the only one who's fed up of these motherf*****g snakes on this motherf*****g plane?!?'


comments? further ideas?

6 days

start a checklist, make a checklist, finish tidying and organising my room, fill in documents, buy a new camera, pack my bag (once ive decided what im taking - what much of what kind of thing), pack a hand luggage bag. for the love of god pack more than enough medicine and separate it between both your bags Dave, Get the Nintendo Ds sorted with good games.

stop procrastinating...................................

prepare for the long haul on flights. dont get lost!!!


love new zealand.

You Know.... From The Fresh Prince?

So there I was at this party. I basically knew...... no-one. Thus, i talked to everyone... why not? I'd already been caught out tryin to steal a chair for a bet and failed at remembering names when i'd promised i would (made considerably worse when they remembered me).

It was around this time I met a guy called Nana (spelling unsure) he shook my hand in a more than needed to be shook-kinda way, so of course i upped things slightly.

'Nana, was it?' i enquired, partly out of curiosity, partly because my grandmother gets called the same name

'Yeah man' he replied

'Lets do the best handshake ever' i said enthusiastically. he looked at me to continue so i did.

'So you remember the Fresh Prince?' I asked. he just looked at me blankly

'The Fresh Prince of Bel Air?' another blank look 'You know.... with Will Smith?'

He finally clicked and remembered.... or at least pretended to to get the ball rolling so i taught him the following:

In the early season the two characters always greeted each other with their signature handshake (swinging mid-five, point-back/snap with both characters saying "Pssh!"): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DJ_Jazzy_Jeff

to which i celebrated, passing on the coolest handshake ever.

The next day however i was a bit shocked. i was told i was asking black people if they knew Will Smith.... now I'm known to be a bit, well drunk when im drunk but thats too far for even me.... then it all came back to me. the conversation about me trying to make Nana (who happened to be black) if he remembered the fresh prince STARRING will smith was interpreted by people listening in as me being a drunken idiot!

note to self for future: teach the will smith and jazzy jeff handshake with caution, its powers are great but they may come with dire consequences!!

Dreaming

In an email dated 21 Feb 2007:

Hey Man, did u know you featured in one of the many fucked up dreams of Dave last night? really? it wasnt too big of a role... more of an appearance... i wont go into too much detail cos it would make you say things like 'yo man, that shit is fucked up' or 'noooooooooooo' or even 'truuuuuuu dat'. who knows what else but the point it, it was messed up. for some reason i was strapped for cash and was working in a place where people got to beat the shit outta you ... even shoot you.. and if they took a body part... or at least piece of flesh away, they payed extra, thus you got extra pay. and for some reason i was working there with the guy from whos the star in that show about firemen on sky one.

anyways, you were crashing at my spare apartment at victoria halls in glasgow (which doesnt exist) the whole time while i had my first client... shy as they were they continued to beat me up for some form of cheap thrill or whatever and leave with a bit of my torn body flesh in some sort of ritualistic 'i just had my first beating up experience and i liked it' sort of way. but my boss was no where to be found.
meanwhile, fireman dick head gets the crap kicked outta him but gets totally paid by some fat chick cos she saw the whole thing and shes like assistant manager. i tell her im due my 8 quid...(thats right 8 quid?!?!) but she refuses to give it to me cos she didnt see it. i realises im only due £7.70 or £7.80 but am tryin to con her (ive lost part of my body and im conning HER outta 20p...wheres the logic? anyways so eventually i find my boss... he gives me a t-shirt and a tenner and without saying any words we take this as a tip and a dont come back which im happy with as i realise the job wasnt for me.

so im driving home from wherever the heck i was to see you at my spare flat (lets just remind you this doesnt exist) and you phone only for me to suddenly realise im driving without a licence.... and im driving without using the pedals.... in the passenger seat... and i cant see over the wheel.... tis a bit crazy... no? so i pull over and suddenly i AM behind the wheel and toria's in the passenger seat and some guy from Domino's cant find his address and is tryin to con us into buyin his order so it doesnt get taken outta his cheque. im kinda hungry but say no on the grounds that theres no veg and toria cant eat it but she feels guilty. eventually she guesses the address after we've eaten half the food, tells him where to go and we drive off.

so i arrive at halls... alone again but thinking nothing of it and wonder where to park but i get to you and see you packing and ask whats up. you tell me glasgow isnt big enough to hold you, that you need to keep moving. i thought you were gonna hang around a bit, that we'd get to catch up and im disappointed so i ask why you cant stay and you keep packing and babbling all this shit about how this isnt the place for you, it never was even tho you thot it might be, it wasnt right and you had to keep moving till you found the right place. your original intention was to stay a year but now you had to go...

....CUE DAVES ALARM

ok, so i said i wasnt gonna go into detail but i had time. and now that ive typed it ive realised how fucked up it actually was. especially the first bit where i seemed like a hooker for the mentally disturbed who just wanted to hurt people!!

dude, ive had some messed up and confused dreams before but this about tops it. the strange thing is that i can link a lot of it to things that have happened recently so there is logic in there somewhere... maybe....

oh well, better go... fire alarm is going off and you prob think im meeeeeeeeeeeeental by now.

maybe you can send a similar email to make me feel more sane (doubtful but maybe)

Dave


A reply on the 25th Feb 2007:

tryin to con us into buyin his order so it doesnt get taken outta his cheque. im kinda hungry but say no on the grounds that theres no veg and toria cant eat it but she feels guilty.

hahahahaha, i love it.
dude that is an intensly detailed dream. calm down on the acid.

Chasing Scars

'Whats That?' she asked, playing with the band on his wrist
Just something I used to believe in and never stopped wearing he says. its always there. its like a scar now other than the fact it changes place slightly. He takes a swig of his beer and looks back into her eyes waiting for a response.

'I have a few scars she says' and points to her hand 'this ones from from when my cat scratched me'
'I hope you're starting small' the man says back. the girl laughs and challenges him to show a scar.

Without so much as a second thought the man lifts his t-shirt slightly and says 'appendix removal'
The girl gasps but quickly sits up. 'OK, I think I can match that she replies'.
The man urns around on the bed to see whether he should be amused, amazed or disappointed with what he's about to see. She lifts her jeans to the knee to show a scar that's healed well but of a decent length, 'can you guess?' she asks the person she only met that night but is already showing her old battle woulds to.
'Broken leg?' the young man guesses 'it had to be pinned together, that was about 2, maybe 3 years ago?'
The girl looks at him in awe, jaw literally dropped. 'how did you know that?' she asks
He pulls up his jeans leg on the opposite side and smiles 'Same story, 5 years ago'

'Here's an embarrassing one' he shoots back at her 'Stag night last year i fell over drunk' he lifts his hair to show scar across his hairline, about 2cm long, hidden unless you were told about it, but obvious now it was pointed out. ' It was stupid' he says '..but one hell of a weekend' and laughs at the memory.

'You want embarrassing?' an eyebrow is raised and a drink of beer is taken as she says this, she doesn't even wait for a response before she starts to show her next scar. She swivels towards him closely and lifts her foot onto his knee. on the base is a scar about 2 and a half cm. 'This was a night when i lost a shoe on a night out, i figured id be fine walking home with one shoe. I'd walked home carrying my shoes before so didn't really see an issue but this night i happened to walk over a broken bottle shard. I ended up drunk, in A and E and with stitches after a 3 hour wait.'

She looked over at her new acquaintance and noticed he was stroking the scar before asking what he was doing. Then he kissed her. 'It took you that long?' she asked and smiled a smile only girls could give.

Apparently Its Happening Around Me

A friend of mine asked when everyone became so grown up all of a sudden. I chose this moment to refer her back to myself. A 22 year old graduate who still hasnt managed to get the job he wants and so instead is scooting off to New Zealand for 2 months to have a laugh with some friends and generally enjoy myself.... grown up.... not yet.

oh, i should be. yes, i should be. but somehow there have been things in my path delaying me from it. even when i do get a job i doubt ill really grow up full time. i wanna do youth work, its the perfect job for me when i finally get accepted somewhere, you get paid to help people sure, but you also get paid to have fun.

i know someone now whose younger than me and is teaching physics in a high school in england...... you think with people my age and younger all finding what they need to get into the big bad world i could do...... apparently i still feel the need to live out my student years though.
one day ill get a job, and it'll be ago, high paying one, with little responsibility where all i gotta do is play with toys.... like in that film BIG..... that'd be soooooooooooo cool!!


ill be going now

The Fat Lady Changed Career

today i made backup plans in case my friend had to come back to the UK leaving me abroad with a big change of plans. luckily my friend was more than accommodating and offered me a meet at the airport and a place to stay for as long as i needed it. job done.


12 hour later. Steve gets a job. Steve doesnt need to leave. things return to the original plan. i have the best of both worlds i guess. things are good between him and Alex's flatmates so we can all hang out and things will be hunky dory and he will be making money to keep himself afloat now whilst i get to spend time with my 2 friends and still do the travelling thing with Steve.

hell, who knows. we might all end up sharing a flat together. who knows??


life returns to normal. at least for now i can rest.....



Zzzzzzzz

Dream of Californication

and it comes from watching too much tv. when i get into a show i like, i REALLY get into it, i can watch a series in a day. i can talk to someone about it for hours and there are things about a certain character or traits amongst different characters that i wish i had.

Take my latest favourite tv show 'Calafornication'. Mulder has taken a break from the x files to become a failing writer with a daughter and a failed relationship but still a pretty great life. he does what he wants, when he wants. and thinks about the consequences later - if at all.

i started laughing almost immediately and found myself thinking that bar the separated relationship, i liked the 'can do' attitude and the fact that he had a solid group of friends, he did say what he thought and he did do exactly what he felt.... and it worked out for him. i thought to myself 'this guy is pretty cool'.

so is life really like this or in tv land to they show us what we want to see? what we want to believe we could be and what we want to see in ourselves and what i have obviously wanted to see in myself. i mean, i think i saw some traits of myself in this character to a VERY small limit. someone recently told me that they respected that i could say what i thought without worrying about it.... i wasnt sure if that was a compliment or not to be honest but i chose t think of it as one and im not saying i want to be the next copycat of a tv star, but it does open a persons eyes to what they cant see. what might be out there in the big bad world. good and bad.

its not just this show, tv does it to a much greater, or lesser extent - depending on how you look at it when you slip more into fantasy shows with new age technology with flying cars, gadgets that make you forget time but the lowly sheriff can still save the day over the geniuses. other shows where agent jack bauer can die 23 times in a day and still save the president because thats just what jack bauer does and shows you could even wish you could juggle being bruce wayne and batman.... god knows ive had many a discussion about the caped crusader!! (is he a hero or a super hero, because hes human, nothing particular super about him unless you personally think so is there?)

each episode, each film, each book lets you slip out of reality for a set amount of time and while your there pick up a piece of each character you admire and take it away with you, let it become part of you in a way. adopt their traits even if you dont mean to and use them when you come back to reality. i dont know if ive done this before or if ive simply adopted traits off of other people which can happen a lot more naturally but i can see myself linking with characters now that i wouldnt have a few years ago. maybe ive started taking pieces of different people, maybe ive started understanding them more or maybe ive just got a broader perspective and im a lot more open minded than i used to be.

either way, ive not really changed, im just learning new things about myself. we all do it. we just dont know we do. every time you watch a show, every time you read a book, every time you tell a story. your passing on or picking up a bit of yourself or a bit of someone else.

your changing. your always changing.

It Aint Over Till The Fat Lady Sings..

.....She's about to sing ladies and gentlemen, shes about to sing.

remember my trip abroad to New Zealand? the one i couldnt do alone, but with a little help from my friend i could, spent a fair bit on the flight and now im just anxiously biding my time till i go over?

now my friends maybe having to come home. the moneys getting tight and the jobs are thin apparently. i dont know what to do now. im not gonna waste the flight, ive spent loads on it, but ive gotta admit, im pretty bloody scared thinking about being there alone! yeah, ill know someone else - but the reason i was going out was to explore with my other friend. it doesnt look like thats gonna happen now. he's not been well ether and as much as i want to be i cant be angry at him.

yeah, he convinced me to go, and i wouldnt have gone if he hadnt been there, we had made all these plans and ive spent all this non returnable money but i cant hate him for not finding work in a foreign country, thats not his fault. i guess i feel let down. i definitely feel scared. i just now wonder what im going to do when im there. who will i meet, who will i talk to, will i make friends, who'll go t the pub with me? where will i get a flat?

he's gonna stay another week which i guess is a good effort. but i dunno if i feel if hes doing that that he should look harder or give up. part of me feels sorry for him part of me wants him to put every ounce of energy into staying so we can make good on our plans. i cant imagine my planned trip any other way that i had it planned and now i have to. i cant tell my parents, not until i know for sure. they'd freak. they'd panic. i ant find my way out of a cardboard box never mind find my way around a new country so hopefully my friend who lives there will be good enough to help me settle, offer me a couch and help me find a place cos i dunno if i could do it alone.


god damn it.