Dream of Californication

and it comes from watching too much tv. when i get into a show i like, i REALLY get into it, i can watch a series in a day. i can talk to someone about it for hours and there are things about a certain character or traits amongst different characters that i wish i had.

Take my latest favourite tv show 'Calafornication'. Mulder has taken a break from the x files to become a failing writer with a daughter and a failed relationship but still a pretty great life. he does what he wants, when he wants. and thinks about the consequences later - if at all.

i started laughing almost immediately and found myself thinking that bar the separated relationship, i liked the 'can do' attitude and the fact that he had a solid group of friends, he did say what he thought and he did do exactly what he felt.... and it worked out for him. i thought to myself 'this guy is pretty cool'.

so is life really like this or in tv land to they show us what we want to see? what we want to believe we could be and what we want to see in ourselves and what i have obviously wanted to see in myself. i mean, i think i saw some traits of myself in this character to a VERY small limit. someone recently told me that they respected that i could say what i thought without worrying about it.... i wasnt sure if that was a compliment or not to be honest but i chose t think of it as one and im not saying i want to be the next copycat of a tv star, but it does open a persons eyes to what they cant see. what might be out there in the big bad world. good and bad.

its not just this show, tv does it to a much greater, or lesser extent - depending on how you look at it when you slip more into fantasy shows with new age technology with flying cars, gadgets that make you forget time but the lowly sheriff can still save the day over the geniuses. other shows where agent jack bauer can die 23 times in a day and still save the president because thats just what jack bauer does and shows you could even wish you could juggle being bruce wayne and batman.... god knows ive had many a discussion about the caped crusader!! (is he a hero or a super hero, because hes human, nothing particular super about him unless you personally think so is there?)

each episode, each film, each book lets you slip out of reality for a set amount of time and while your there pick up a piece of each character you admire and take it away with you, let it become part of you in a way. adopt their traits even if you dont mean to and use them when you come back to reality. i dont know if ive done this before or if ive simply adopted traits off of other people which can happen a lot more naturally but i can see myself linking with characters now that i wouldnt have a few years ago. maybe ive started taking pieces of different people, maybe ive started understanding them more or maybe ive just got a broader perspective and im a lot more open minded than i used to be.

either way, ive not really changed, im just learning new things about myself. we all do it. we just dont know we do. every time you watch a show, every time you read a book, every time you tell a story. your passing on or picking up a bit of yourself or a bit of someone else.

your changing. your always changing.