It Aint Over Till The Fat Lady Sings..

.....She's about to sing ladies and gentlemen, shes about to sing.

remember my trip abroad to New Zealand? the one i couldnt do alone, but with a little help from my friend i could, spent a fair bit on the flight and now im just anxiously biding my time till i go over?

now my friends maybe having to come home. the moneys getting tight and the jobs are thin apparently. i dont know what to do now. im not gonna waste the flight, ive spent loads on it, but ive gotta admit, im pretty bloody scared thinking about being there alone! yeah, ill know someone else - but the reason i was going out was to explore with my other friend. it doesnt look like thats gonna happen now. he's not been well ether and as much as i want to be i cant be angry at him.

yeah, he convinced me to go, and i wouldnt have gone if he hadnt been there, we had made all these plans and ive spent all this non returnable money but i cant hate him for not finding work in a foreign country, thats not his fault. i guess i feel let down. i definitely feel scared. i just now wonder what im going to do when im there. who will i meet, who will i talk to, will i make friends, who'll go t the pub with me? where will i get a flat?

he's gonna stay another week which i guess is a good effort. but i dunno if i feel if hes doing that that he should look harder or give up. part of me feels sorry for him part of me wants him to put every ounce of energy into staying so we can make good on our plans. i cant imagine my planned trip any other way that i had it planned and now i have to. i cant tell my parents, not until i know for sure. they'd freak. they'd panic. i ant find my way out of a cardboard box never mind find my way around a new country so hopefully my friend who lives there will be good enough to help me settle, offer me a couch and help me find a place cos i dunno if i could do it alone.


god damn it.