preperation for the unprepared

no one told me about this.... all of this. fending for myself, the work load, learning things the hard way... yes, there are good points but the unknown outweigh them in my book usually.... (its a big book).

today i spent 6 hours in a library...working. i know, i know. i wouldnt believe me either but its true. i dont quite know how it took me so long but it did and i woulda stayed longer had the library not been shutting.... thats what scares me. the preperation for a proposal is extreme. it goes in tomorrow however.. then id love to say i have a week of freedom but its not true, its a week of 'lets see what else is due in before christmas'.

i get all the fun... serously, by - the - bucket load!

im going through a bit of a paranoid stage right now.... not specifically this second.... well ok, yes - this second but i just mean recently. theres so many if's and but's in my life. 'what if i dont get my proposal accepted by my tutor?' 'but what if ive got my facts wrong?' 'what if i end up deserting my friends or they become a second priority?' ..... ok, so more if's than but's but you get the idea. but its gettin me nowhere. id love to say i need to chill out but im digging a hole and its gonna be pretty hard to scramble out, especially with one functioning arm at the end of the year....

you can prepare all you want but as far as im concerned, some things life throws at yoy you'll never be ready for..