Jack Bauer's gun reloads its self because its scared of him.
Jack Bauer doesnt urinate or deficate. He secretes waste through his pores as two chemicals which can be combined to create napalm.
The Swiss Army Knife MacGuyver uses was a present from Jack Bauer.
They say guns are illegal to just carry on the street. Jack Bauers left and right arm tend to disagree.
When Jack Bauer realized he had the same initials as James Bond and Jason Bourne, he killed both of those punks using a water pistol.
If you wake up in the morning, its because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauers favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, hed shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauers gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack Fucking Bauer.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You dont want to get 7 stars.
Dont ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.
Jack Bauer doesnt miss. If he didnt hit you its because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
If Jack says I just want to talk to him/her and that him/her is you well amigo, youre farked.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when hes knocked out or temporarily killed.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location.
While being put under in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
Jack Bauers family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesnt want to.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells NOW! at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
As a child, Jack Bauers first words were Theres no time!
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Jack Bauer shouldnt be compared to Jesus. Jack rose from the dead not once, but twice.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Killing Jack Bauer doesnt make him dead. It just makes him angry.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
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