one armed me

you might say sometimes writing blogs is hard - you cant think what to type, you lose your trail of thought, you get your arm bone broken in half before bent backwards and screwed in a new place and get stitched back up leaving you in a sling..... mines recently has been the last reason. it hurts like a .... well a whole new kinda pain. its like Santa Claus got kicked in his jingle bells or Christmas baubles whichever sounds most fitting to the crude joke. it just bloody well hurts.

the doc says it went accordin to the text book tho (its now impossible ti imagine the op without him asking for the next instruction from 'do it yourself shoulder operations level 2'). oh and i had a creepy ward mate who was, to be blunt, dilusional. if i wasnt taking pain killers to sleep and avoid pain i would've been to avoid him!!

Ive been out about a week now and the big 22 is coming. no, not a bus. my birthday. and its not that big, but its there, making me older than my fellow..... fellows once again. not more mature. god no! i hope. but older to be sure. and with no plans for new year i really gotta sort somethin soon cos i cannot stay in with my mum and dad.....ill just flat out cry!!

anyways, apologies for the absence readers..... all 4 of u if im lucky, this includes myself. and also for the lack of communication recently and lastly for such a damn depressing blog!!


happy note to end on: i watched 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' last night. its now in my top 5 films. i highly reccommend it to anybody!

yeah, you really got me now... you got me so i dont know what im doin....

stress that is. up till today i was doin ok, i know ive been focusing on my operation a lot but i still felt pretty in control of my life and the stress. today however i couldn't type a thing work-wise. i could read and high light.... do things that didnt involve progression in my actual essay but whenever i tried to really focus i couldnt. i found myself thinking not really about the operation itself but the aftermath. how im gonna do certain things, dress, eat, reach, brush my teeth, shave. theres people out there with arms missing so i gotta be able to work it out for a few months!

i brightened up the day for a few moments by texting vibe. he replied saying i had the text of the week.... it took my mind off the problems off the arm for a bit but then reality kicked in again and i realised i was actually shaking with ..... fright? dread? fear of the unknown? as time is drawing closer im obviously just getting a lot less comfortable with the fact that im gonna be the one armed man for a while and that combined with the mass amount of pills i take already (in regards to epilepsy) and any other pain killers i may be on i quite possibly will shake with every step i take..... squeaky shoes aint got nothin on me!!

so lets put a good turn on this blog... things could be worse... at least you flat mate didnt just say the words

'90% profit sex-ual!' ...... god that freaked me out.....

to clarify he got a hat for a quid and hes selling it for a tenner... but still, i didnt need to hear him say that sentence *shudders*

what the fudge is epistemology??

anyone? anyone at all? im not fussy.... ill take any suggestions. ok, things are ok right now but my tutor for my dissertation is asking me to bring in a couple of ideas for a meeting this thursday so im not going in blind.... i think the idea being that we have something to base the meeting on and then i can progress faster and feel more comfortable doing my dissertation after hes spoken to me.

hes asked what my stance is in regards to epistemology tho and upon reading up on this again all i seem to be finding is that its the difference between facts and truths..... if i read a bit more on this im sure ill be dandy but the question is 'what the hell has this got to do with my course and how im gonna set out my dissertation?' man, im stuck as a ...... stuck guy in a stuck place?

i thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink i may have some notes back home. i hope to jebus i have cos im screwed otherwise. screwed with a capital 'S' and a silent 'L' ... the silent 'L' is just for fun, you can chose where to put it. but seriously, work sucks. muchos. i did get extentions tho, and exceptions made which was nice so i cant be mad at the uni really, they are being really good, its just a lot of work to fit into a small time i rekon.

all ive been writing about recently is work isnt it...... that'll be why i stressed to the point of a minor seizure tonight i think.... thats it. stress. it was my last one too, ive decided. no more seizures for Dave. sure, ill still support epilepsy scotland - hell, maybe one day ill work for them but a year from now ill be seizure free with 2 functioning arms and getting ready to start driving lessons.......... works in theory huh?

ill leave you all on the note that cap'n rob just texted me

'sel la vee'

things that make me smile

the fact that some gilr went to sit at my table till she realised that i was sitting at it

nights out with firnds

sleeping

mocca

watching movies

spending time with my family (not toomuch mind)

being asked to be a godfather

music

watching certain tv shows - prison break, 24, smallville, heroes and the like

hanging out with colleen (note: i wrote hanging out, not sometihng like 'spending time with my smoochikins who i miss eternally when i dont see her, shes my baby' ... i love her, but that soppy stuff has a limit hands up who agree? ...... thats what i thought!

playing with my dog

buying presents for christmas (if i can think of the right thing)

completing something ive worked hard at

standing up for myself

knowing that even though i dont see people that they havent forotten about me

making people laugh

laughing with people

laughing so much i cry

gas and air .... that stuff is the shit by the way!!

fixing something thats broken

proving people wrong .... maybe i do that a bit much

dancing, it doesnt matter if its in tune

saying sorry when i know im wrong rather than being stuborn.... ok i dont smile immediately but i do eventually

sandwiches

texting people

knowing that im liked

knowing that im loved

knowing that someone read this.....

iFraud

GORDON



ALEX

FRASER

RUTH

MEGAN



RACHEL

LAURA

SUZI

STEVE

ROZ

LOU

JAK

HENRY

ME

CHRIS

ADRI

DAVID

welcome to iFraud. created in first year uni, here are the ones i think are worth puttin up for everyone to see. yes, i had that much time to spare back then.... those were the days!!

enjoy

the mocha, the blog and the essay

i doubt this blog will be long but i wanted to write one quickly in true 'settling in to studying' style. ive got loads to do recently - but thats good, thats really good. it means i can keep myself occupied, idle hands and all that. as long as my minds occupied im not thinking about my arm, its at the back of my mind as everything is revolving around it, work, social life etc but it means im studying and keeping busy for now. hell, on the morning i go in im going to go to class to keep myself occupied.... is that commitment or just weird? you decide....

right now im gonna go over work for an essay, ive got a meeting for extentions on tuesay but if i can prove that im committed to the course and ive made a good start by the time i meet my tutor hopefully she'll be happy to help me out. im not a total slacker afterall.... slacker? yes. but not TOTAL slacker. ah, suddenly im reminded of back to the future and how the principal always called marty mcfly a slacker.... wasnt marty so cool? i actually got a skateboard as a kid just so i cold pretend to be him you know, i'd stand infront of the tv and pretend to be skating along like the pro mcfly was ..... (note to self: try not to go off on tangents ever again if this is how they are going to go)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways, so new year should be fun..... as long as someones havin a house party, i love my parents to bits but think im at the age now where wanna hang with my mates at new year and with a tender shoulder a club prob isnt my best bet... pub might not be so bad but im not gonna have a night in edinburgh's street party this year unfortunately i dont think. man, i hope someones havin a house party so i can see everyone again and celebrate the new year in a druken, yet careful fashion :P

well kids and kiddettes i guess i should sign out and do some work...


th - th - th - th - th - th - th - th - th - hats all folks

p.s. just cos im listenin to rihanna doesnt make me gay, i dont care what you say!

like a band aid...

Unlike the title, my wait wasn’t quick. it was 3 hours of going back and forth to get different tests done, x rays, measurements, questions asked and seeing my doctor. All in the name of a pre-operative assessment apparently.

so I sit there and i'm asking the questions that vie mentally scribbled into my brain, losing one or two as I get answers i’m not sure I expected until finally I ask when we're going ahead with this thing.

A week on Wednesday he says. I shook a little at the thought of it approaching so soon. after I got told the risks - half a percentage of infection, a very slim percentage of the operation not working etc etc - I signed my soul away and was comforted by the fact that he admitted that although being a highly admired doctor in his field, he has never done this particular operation before.... which doesn’t really explain why he told me he'd done it 2 or 3 times last time we spoke. the crowd of eager nurses and students around me listening to how they're going to saw some bone, bend it and screw it in place somewhere else also made me slightly uneasy if i’m honest but according to my mum 'it'll help them all learn so the operation can be done on other people'..... I wonder if she realises that that’s all well and good but right now i’m worried about me.

So here I am, with a little under 2 weeks to get my university career, housing benefits, life, and room in order..... It’s a tough job but if I don’t do it now then ill be screwed later!!


Afterthought: at least I got a shiny new phone on an upgrade today, I guess things aint so bad!

a title & a blog in 1: i want to blog, i wrote a blog. it just wont let me post it so here i am, writing in the title. i wonder how much i can wri

my best friend

me and my best friend have a very strange relationship...... im gonna need to give him a name fr this blog, lets go with 'vibe' ... i dont know why, i just either get good or bad vibes when im around him i guess.

anyways, i met vibe when i was around 15, a critical period in any persons life i guess, kind of time when most people are out meeting girls, drinking, and generally thinking they couldn't be cooler. how did we think we couldnt be cooler i hear you ask? by collecting and playing with Pokemon cards!! thats right, im not denying it. im not embarrassed now even at the ripe old age of (almost) 22. i may not be so into Pokemon cards as i was but back then it was the bees knees as far as i was concerned. not that bees have knees... i dont think, bit thats besides the point. the point it we were sad.

we went thru a bit of a rough patch as mates which ill skim along by saying i was a dick, i accept full responsibility and ill follow it up with a shiver up my spine for the memory of what once was.

moving on though, vibe has moved around a lot but i probably keep in touch with him more than i do most people which i think shows a lot, even though i know he is a complete twat, i do trust him and even when im really angry at him i know we're still mates. i thin our last conversation ended something like...

vibe 'shit, did i call you?'
me 'yeah, why?'
vibe ' the phone woman told me ive only a minute of credit left, what the fuck am i wasting it on you for?!?'
me 'fine, f**k off then'
vibe ' i will - twat'
me ' w****r'

...



vibe 'yeah, i really better go now, peace'

end call

i cat tell you how many text messages ive sent this guy spur of the moment that most people would frown upon that for some reason he laughs at ... and apparently so do a room full of his friends at times. he sends me strange ones too to compensate tho - and when colleen said she didnt get our humour and he said to say its a gay thing she got it even less....

dont worry, its not a gay thing - just to clarify. more of a had to be there, or a had to have a twisted sense of humor thing. i dunno what it is but we've been mates for quite a while now and although whilst watching you, me and dupree recently i realised he was my dupree and independently of each other ive said to someone that hes my bad conscience and hes said that im his good conscience - something seems to work....

hopefully we'll stay mates for years to come, you always see these cheesy films about lifelong mates and i dont know how many ill have but as much as it may ruin my life or get me in trouble (did i mention we got each other excluded??) i hope he sticks around for a while....


p.s. all he will comment on this is that this whole blog sounds homosexual .... just so you all know

yesterday

i wrote a really long, rather amusing post yesterday and cliked 'publish'. it dissapeared i hate when that happens. lets whizz thru what happened again at super bullet point speed....

• last minute decision, lewis et dave go to union
• lewis and dave meet many people including cap'n bob
• rob calls dave adam
• dave gets angry
• finally rob gets dves name right
• we stand shouting dave! at random people for a bit
• we catch up in a banterous fashion
• lewis and dave go to mcdonalds, its not so good
• i go home and lose blog

....and rest.

the union

Canada

its funny, he gets called Canada, its not his name but its what i call him. i barely remember his real name half the time to be honest.... i dont even know his last name. it also worries me that by calling him this it sort of makes him a representative for the country, i really need to find a new Canadian person to represent their country cos its a nice place really.... its just that this one person in particular just drives me crazy.

lets list a couple of reasons why here: compulsive liars dont really scream 'be my friend' to me, he twists everything he's ever done or said, our door is mis-shaped due to the constant 'knock ... knock ... knock' followed by kicking when we dont answer. sometimes we're not in, sometimes i dont answer. you wanna know why? cos he only talks about himself! if a story's started hes got a better one. if you were cold today he lost an arm due to frost bite, if a girl bumped into him he thinks he got laid, if a guy asks for a light he thinks he got mugged....

seriously i know he's still a kid when it comes down to it but hes a chameleon, a new face for a new person and that isn't a genuine person. a tutor told us recently that if we arent different around people we're tossers. this shocked me but he followed it up with that fact that we cant act the same to our other half's as we do to our kids as we do to our grand parents. this is fair enough. but to each person of a similar age, this dude needs to get a grip.

now im not gonna go all southpark on you and sing 'blame Canada here' Canada was awesome when i visited it but as for a representative..... we definitely need a new one for Glasgow..

the weekend in fast mode

• colleen arrives in a tad drunk and with a knock to the head, feeling a bit worse for wear and ill - this continues onto next morning
• the next morning, colleen feels worse and is ill more so unfortunatey i have to cancell on my day out with jane to look after her, i feel terrible for cancelling on jane but at the same time wouldnt want colleen to be in on her own while she felt bad
• saturday i spent with colleen helping her headache etc and had a blkoody early night for a saturday - no drinking for dave afterall!
• sunday i slept in a bit and then went to the library where i am now
• dave decides he needs help as he's in the library too much
  

The One Without A Title

I think by this time i know what im going t type about. or at least a vague idea so that i can start typing and then start to go off on a tangent.. today however im just typing. its a weird thing typing isnt it. you dont realise how good at it you are until you realise your not really looking at the keyboard all that much. i bet about now your gonna start lookin at the keyboard like i am and realise that you did know where certain letters were after all, or if not now - next time you write a comment on a web site or an email. its just amazing how although i only use about 3 fingers to type im actually pretty fast at it. accurate? now thats another story, but thats where spell check comes in.... when i can be bothered to use it.

i hate to say it but christmas isnt far away, i always say 'no bonfire night talk till halloween is over, no christmas talk till bonfire talk is over' but they are both over so christmas is indeed the next 'celebratory' event. not everybody loves or even likes christmas, i myself have to go by bath toys and a doll for my niece's today which i dont grudge at all. i just worry i wont get them the perfect ones to be hones. how else will i keep up the rep of 'Cool Uncle Dave' if i dont get them the right things?

last year i think i got the family the perfect presents. didnt cost much as sentimental value was classic. got them a print out of the front page of the paper from the day they were each born. it wasnt perfect quality with some being 52 years old but they appreciated it all the same and its the presents you know people will treasure and not just store away that make me happy christmas has come again. The fact that im gonna be 22 this christmas makes me realise that its all about the kids now, im fine with nothing to be honest, if mum and dad want to give me an i.o.u for something ill NEED in the future months then that would suit e better to be honest becuase the question 'what do you want this year Dave?' always gets a response of '........world peace?'

so it seems i got talking about christmas boys and cirls, which surprises me since im supposed to be writing an essay on my personal deveoment over the course of my years at university and these 2 topics only link because ....... ok so they dont link..... how the hell did i get onto Christmas?? so if you wanna get me anythin for ny birthday buy me a drink and as much as i love my friends, im terrible with birthdays so ive probably missed yours so we'd be calling it quits there - or just buying eachother a drink over christmas to make it square.

and Santa, if you're reading this ....... i think dad used to get to the cookies before you .... sorry about that!

Friends

My friends mean the world to me. thats the cheesiest thing to say ever but its true. without them i'd have no one to accept my immaturity, to laugh at my stupid jokes, to wonder what my next stupid themed party would be (ok.... ill cut back on them now guys) and to just take me for me. All i would have is a bunch of strangers scoffing at me for being an outsider and not conforming to the ways they expect me to be and not being a typical student...

Over the last few months I've drifted away from you all and i hate that. this isnt a piece of writing to make anyone feel guilty, its a piece of writing to reminding you all that when we do see each other i hope we will still laugh at the same jokes, we will have new experiences to grow upon and remember and we can still take the joke emo photos im oh-so-prone to taking.

I dont expect us all to keep in touch every day, thats not realistic for the closest of friends never mind people who have just gone to uni (David), people now in 3rd year and with jobs (Jen) or people who are to busy just with course work other commitments (Steve) but i just want you all to know that I'm thinkin about you guys all the time and as long as my course work isnt insisting it takes my main priority i do have that free bus pass if a day trip is on offer :P

Ive looked over photos from patry's recently too and forgotten the last time i had so much fun at a house party. I miss the days of the Suzi, Fraze, Roz, Sara or Dave house Parties ... bar being chased with porcelain dolls of course ... that went a bit far, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut ill forgive those concerned cos i love you all really.

Anyways, for those of you who dont have this address (most of you) im about to email it to you, you dont have to read anything else. just this. and remember that wherever we are, edinburgh, fife, glasgow, new zeland - we were all great friends once - people change and people gain new friends and have new experiences (both good and bad) but those who want to keep in touch can and will so i just thought i'd send this out o remind us all of that.

speak to you when i speak to you,


Dave .... or was that Special Dave?!? :P

My Addiction

This title may look familiar to some of you ...... then again, maybe im just using a relevant title to describle what im about to talk about..... however maybe its both? for those of you confused right now (everyone but Jane right?) i have indeed stolen Janes blog title for the title for this one particular blog.

*stands up and looks around nervously* my name is Dave and im addicted to mocca......

its true. i have some kinda crazy routine going on here where i come to the library, i chill out for a bit before i study, enjoy my mocca and muck about on the laptop... all the while enjoying its chocaletey goodness, its caffeine high that makes you feel a little light headed - especially if you havent eaten all day, its a little like when you start getting tipsy, just without the alcohol. Thw only downside of this is that it gives colleen migranes. im scared ill have so much one day that it'll hapen to me too.... then what will i do, i need my mocca to get me thru the day, it keeps me working, gets me focussed. it tastes so good. it can be frozen or hot, it doesnt matter to me..... as long as its there.... mmmmmmmmmm mocca.

ok, now i sound like an addict. im not actually one of these guys who 'needs his morning fix' but it does go well together - you know, work on one side, mocca on the other. ok, now i sound like a social smoker .... 'i swear i only drink mocca when i work, it doesnt mean i REALLY drink mocca'.

end scene.

haiku

music from one side.

he stares out the computer.

to blog or to work?

the writing's on the wall..

the other day i went for dinner with my girlfriend. there was writing on the wall in the bathroom but not the usual 'jimmy woz 'ere 2003' that you'd expect, it was actually intentional ... and quite witty really. the kind of thing i, and i reccomend whoever reads this will all make use of when you're all a wee bit tipsy to sen to your friends who are good for a laugh .... or just to that person you've always wanted to tell this particular thing to but never have the guts to do it - after all, its just a quote, you wont have really said it.... Winston Churchil did.

'I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly'


....quality

you had a great idea didn't you? - sure did!

you thought you could just pick it up easily, right? - that was the plan :D

then you ordered it online without double checking the delivery date and the postage and packaging price? - yeah ... there was that......



man, sometimes i wonder about you Dave.

preperation for the unprepared

no one told me about this.... all of this. fending for myself, the work load, learning things the hard way... yes, there are good points but the unknown outweigh them in my book usually.... (its a big book).

today i spent 6 hours in a library...working. i know, i know. i wouldnt believe me either but its true. i dont quite know how it took me so long but it did and i woulda stayed longer had the library not been shutting.... thats what scares me. the preperation for a proposal is extreme. it goes in tomorrow however.. then id love to say i have a week of freedom but its not true, its a week of 'lets see what else is due in before christmas'.

i get all the fun... serously, by - the - bucket load!

im going through a bit of a paranoid stage right now.... not specifically this second.... well ok, yes - this second but i just mean recently. theres so many if's and but's in my life. 'what if i dont get my proposal accepted by my tutor?' 'but what if ive got my facts wrong?' 'what if i end up deserting my friends or they become a second priority?' ..... ok, so more if's than but's but you get the idea. but its gettin me nowhere. id love to say i need to chill out but im digging a hole and its gonna be pretty hard to scramble out, especially with one functioning arm at the end of the year....

you can prepare all you want but as far as im concerned, some things life throws at yoy you'll never be ready for..

sometimes i talk....

sometimes i think things in my head and before i realise what ive said its too late. sometimes i say them and want to take t back but know its too late. sometimes i think its worth it for a laugh, then realise it really isnt that funny.

sometimes i should just keep quiet.

anger

i just wrote a really long ... ad in my mind good log. one that cannot be created as in doing so i would be copying history, not simply typing my thoughts. i previewed it and noticed an error so pressed back and lost the whole thing. it is now gone. forever i presume. i dont know whether to laugh or cry.....


....im hungry

4 days at home

so much to do

so little time


never has that expression felt so true.....

Destination of The Evening

In advance, i do not plan on spell checking a thing in this at all. its 4 o'clock and I'm pretty darn drunk. Ive corrected 2 errors already and that's saying a lot!! ... so anyone watched 'Drawn Together' before? its awesome... you should watch it some time.... im watching it while on the pc. I'm gonna watch/listen to it while i make this post. man, im rather inebriated...is that the smart word for drunk? no? i don't think so either. bums.

so tonight i went to seee my friend 'jakob' play a gig (Ive been told not to use names, or at least full names or maybe use nick names when blogging so there you go - i nick named, or did i? who knows? maybe i have a friend called called called jakob, who knows....) anyways, so jakob's gig was good although unfortunately i missed the beginning. made most of it tho and enjoyed it. made my other friend 'Mary' to her friend in his jeep at half past 9 however with no problems as the gig was over by then. she got picked up by then, (picking up a little bit more on her hair than she needed to as it blatantly looked fine) so Mr. marine drove up on his jeep and they sped of into the sunset to spend their days forever in happiness...... OK, so I'm drunk and just tying right now, what actually happened is that they went on their date and i went away with jakob and their mate so that's close enough right?

so then i went back to the girls flat, and talked to my gf while jakob got ready. jakob was ready sooner than both of us would have liked i think however i think though so i had to leave a bot earlier than i wanted to. we left, we mcdonalds' it and we got into our destination on the main street of the city centre.

now the short version: me and jakob, rounds, extra drinks for davus, more rounds, crap dancing, someone actually put up an ambarella dureing rihanna's song 'umbarella', leave, taxi home, bed, tv shows, blog.

so here i am. blogging away.... now i need water, the cure to hangovers. i swear by it every time without fail, i cant stop now..... water it is .... good ole h20........ cant beat it.... if only it wasnt 4:24am!!


so late

you put your right arm out ... you put your right arm out....

yes, thats right i got a letter today. no, im not excited cos i thought i was populor, i think my heart skipped like 20 beats tho cos i thought it was the date of my operation for my arm to stop it dislocationg. weird timing since only this morning i was thinking its been a while since it came out..... i wonder if ill miss it coming out, the routing of 'no no, that needle, ill get the veine, there youe go, can i get another 2 whatever you call its of morphene please?' and wondering if ive drawn the nice or not so nice ambulance crews.

last time i got teresan. thats teresa and ian. they were cool, really nice. didnt force me to put an arm in a sling or anythin which was nice. teresa did call me gay a lot cos i was wearing long pj bottoms and said if she comes out again shes allowed to do it without me complaining which i stupidly agreed to (bloody gas and air will make u do anything and be anybodys i bet!).

anyways, so this letter - bold letters - 22 november 2007, panic strikes me. then i realise it was only a pre op assessment. its ok then. ill probably get the real operation just in time for my birthday. happy 22nd Dave, now you cant move for 6 months!! no going out, .... wait, i was about to make a list. but ive just realised how much my social life is gonna fall here, i barely have one as it is. fuck, im actually gonna be house bound with an arm in a sling, jesus. im gonna have to be like one of those creepy neighbours kids are scared to get their football from when it goe sinto their garden! 'run, its old man dave!' they'll shout as i come running out with my rake (in my left arm).

ok, a bit dramatic but lets think about this, long term yay - even tho the doc has done '2 or 3' operations like this as its apparently more comonly done in europe, not scotland. stupid lack of bone in my shoulder!! so yeah, 2 or 3 means more 1 or 2 whoch means 1 whch probablhy means he's read the theory. hell, ive read the theory!! .. buuuuuuuuut, he is apparently a joint genius, the body panrt joint that is, not any other dodgy kind. people always talk about him being good. its just a lot to go thru at my age.... *suddenly remembers last blog*

im actually shitting it. im talking light heartedly really but im terrified. what if it fucks up? what if they cant fix me? what if i cant finish uni? what if i cant open my christmas presents with one arm????

act your age, not your shoe size

by my title id have to be acting between almost 22 instead of between of ten and eleven...... thats probably where my mentality is right now. well, not right now. i dont know what just happened, but i feel my age. everyone worries about ageing, about turning the dreaded 19..... about leaving the teen years behind them, then apparently life only starts at 21. you hear all the ways out of people actually growing old gracefully. i mean jesus, look at hulk hogans wife! the phrase 'mutton dressed as lamb' comes to mind with that one.

i dont think i act like a different person, i think i am who i am, but theres this part at the back of my head thats just said to me 'come on dave, time to grow up a bit'. my friends who are younger than me have requested i dont change so that they have someone to be immature with, but i hope im not intentionally being immature. i hope im just being 'Dave'.

don't worry, i dont think im peter pan and that ill never grow up, but at 21 i think ive still got a few years of banter left in me havent i? ive had and lost a lot of friends over the years and i never really understood why as i didnt think i was changing, but the friends i have now are great - i wish i saw them more to be honest and as far as i can tell they like me for me .... dont you? so why when i see people younger than me do they seem so much smarter, more classy, and when they look at me - just being me i get the feeling that they cant wait to see the back of me?

sure, i dance like a ...... well i cant dance, i probably speak a bit much sometimes and im possibly the most paranoid person in the world (thus this entire blog) but there must be smething people like about that, or at least they look past all that crazy shit to see some good qualities ive got hidden way back there.

maybe i need reassurance...... then again, maybe i just need a drink, i have been working quite hard.

the arches and the library

'here, i want you to have drank all of thin by the time we're back' my friend said to me.....

suddenly i realise how much alcohol was in the bottle i was holding and how when we go out im drunk and everyone else is either only merry or reeeeeeeeeeeally good at concealing their drunkness. yes, drunkness - thats right.

so i drink a bit, sall the while thining to myself 'Dave, you really are comedy value .... but at what cost? is it really worth it when you wipe ketchup off your face with a chip just to eat it? (ask lewis, colleen or joelle), is running home alone with your hands over your ears cos your in a huff really that fun? and you do buy people a lot of drinks .... thats never good on the old wallet!

we get back, i put the vodka down and i pick the strongbow up. sorted. although someone keeps topping up my glass, i think someone's trying to get me drunk tonight!!

walk. bank. money. walk. queue. searched. pay in. bar.

the drinking begins........ thats where it gets hazy, bar lewis spilling a drink on me, but that was partly my fault so i cant really complain i guess.

cloakroom. colleens cardigan. goodbye's. out. taxi. fell off seat. in. curry. bed.



then i woke up and to my delight realised i had a class in half an hour. oh how i laughed.... no no, i mean cried..... but its sorted now. kinda. but seriously. i missed a one off class. im so bloody stupid sometimes, but hey, no hangover - i gotta say, its a talent :D

so here i sit, doing work for my dissertation and typing .... to myself, someone else will read it one day and comment - or criticise, eithers good. ive already said my grammar and spelling is shite so dont expect me to change that any time soon. im a community education student, i talk to people, and if i see people drawing graffiti on a wall im gonna be askin them why their doing it - not why their spelling 'glasgow rules' wrong!!

questions questions questions

i started today quite well really, by that i mean i showered successfully. after that i left the house, realised i hadn't turned my pc off, ran back upstairs, left again, got to cally uni and realised id left my wallet behind... its great to be Dave.

my meting went well though, i just havent done anything with the information i recieved in the last hour. maybe it has something to do with the fact that im distracted by the fact that my friend only seems to want to keep in touch lately when it suits them. it hurts really. i dont think they realise it to be honest, so i dont really place any blame, but it makes me feel lonely.

in advance, i dont know why im doing this... i might never give anyone the address, i might give everyone the address. i hope im not butting into something that was primaraly an english student thing but if nothing else it will give me a place to vent, write comedy anicdotes and update .... the grammar will suck, as will the spelling, but if that can be worked around. feel free to read on.

suddenly im aware i havent told anyone of this yet as ive just set it up so essentially im talking to myself..... ill stop typing now...